


Sound the Alarms

by littlemisskookie



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Cumplay, Death, Dirty Talk, Dry Humping, EXTREME Toxicness (don’t read if you can’t handle the abusive side, Exhibitionism, F/M, Facial, Fingering, Masturbating, Mentions fo Suicide, Mentions of Suicide, Oral, Orgasm Denial, Overstimulation, Self-Harm, Sexual Assault, Slight Cumplay?, Slight Dirty Talk, Slight Overstimulation, Spanking, Violence, Voyeurism, Voyeurism? Exhibitionism? Film, blowjob, face riding, handjob, hella angst, intercourse, it gets bad)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-17 15:45:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 42,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18101555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemisskookie/pseuds/littlemisskookie
Summary: You were in love with Jeon Jungkook since you were 14, but made the mistake of introducing him to your best friend at 16. Now you’ve slept with him at 19, and it appears that fate isn’t done screwing you over when it comes to your two best friends.





	1. Chapter 1

Sorry.

What a simple, yet complex word.

A word that can mean either nothing or everything, depending on the context. Depending on the buildup. Depending on the crime.

The word isn’t able to fix the past. It can’t grab onto the hands of time and force them to go backward, undoing mistakes and mending hearts, friendships, and memories.

But it can help stitch a big part of the past. It can help people move forward, and it can help lead to forgiveness or to closure. It can help you look back on happy memories a bit more fondly, and it can help people know that they aren’t completely hated.

It can mean nothing. You can say it on a whim, softly stuttering it if you so much as bump shoulders with someone, and you throw the word carelessly.

Or the apology could save a relationship when raw emotion and heartfelt sincereness that can lead to a new start, or perhaps to a bit of maturing.

But there was one situation where you weren’t exactly sure what you were sorry for.

* * *

You were in love with Jungkook since you were fourteen. Five full years. That meant for half a decade you were in love with one man, and no one else. Sure, you dated around, tried desperately to distract yourself with another man, hoping he could let your mind wander from the friend you desperately wished to be with. None quite captivated you the way he unknowingly did. Not one man made your heart drum in such a fast pace you’d never get over, pumping blood throughout you, and your heart fluttering wildly when he looked at you with those star filled eyes, the ones that told you he could see right through you.

But he couldn’t. As much as he thought he knew, and as much as you wished, he couldn’t see past you for shit. How could he, when he didn’t even know how madly in love you were with him?

You were his closest friend, and he was yours. Well, second closest.

Your childhood and family friend was a girl by the name of Seulgi. You knew her since you were practically in diapers, and she seemed to know you like the palm of her hand. Most of your secrets were kept in her hands, as were hers. You’d trust her with your life, which is why you ended up trusting her with your sun and stars.

You had never meant to introduce Seulgi and Jungkook. Sure, you were close to both, but you liked the fact you kept your lives with them a bit separate. It was like two versions of you, and both seemed to adore you in a way that made you glow. You were different people to both, and both combined to make you, in a sense. Though you bantered with Seulgi constantly and felt constantly insecure when she’d ‘accidentally’ point out your flaws, you two were inseparable, and you liked to believe she loved you as much as you loved her. Jungkook, on the other hand, would see you as someone who was strong and fierce, who could face anyone and everything. When Seulgi made you feel insecure, Jungkook would build you back up again unknowingly, and when Jungkook accidentally looked another way, or you were reminded once again of the fact he’d be nothing more than a friend, Seulgi’s arms were the ones that embraced you.

Jungkook didn’t know of your crush, nor did Seulgi. Though most would go to their friends about their deepest crushes, about the ones that caused their tears and their smiles when they’re alone in the dark, you didn’t. You liked keeping Jungkook your little secret, and though Seulgi pried on and on begging you to tell who was your mystery man, you’d simply feed her crumbs in order to sate her.

Seulgi went to a private school since her parents were a bit more prestigious and privileged than your own, which left you to attend public school with Jungkook.

Jungkook might’ve thought of you as the one who could face any challenge and be unable to turn down any dare, but in reality, you were a coward. You were a sniveling coward and you knew it. Because you were burdened with a secret you knew you could never tell, because in all the years you knew Jungkook, you knew he would never feel the same.

It seemed as though every few months he’d have a new girl on his arm, though not without your help. Through pained smiles and gritted teeth, you whispered advice for him to get the new girl of his dreams that he only noticed that day. But you knew it never lasted long, and that he was never interested for more than two months.

Except for one girl, and you only had yourself to blame.

You were sixteen, able to drive at last, and Jungkook was planning to spend the night at your place, as usual. But Seulgi ended up calling you to ask for a favor to pick her up from dance lessons. You agreed, and though you wanted to keep Jungkook at home, insisting that you’d only be gone for fifteen minutes and be right back, he insisted on tagging along.

Biggest mistake of your life.

Seulgi had hopped into the vehicle, and within seconds she was awestruck by Jungkook’s charming features, and you couldn’t lie and say the feelings weren’t mutual for your male friend. They chatted up a storm in the car, and you felt like an awkward third wheel, tapping at the steering wheel as you tried desperately to get Seulgi home.

Didn’t work out so great either.

Seulgi ended up inviting you two over, and Jungkook seemed to be ecstatic to go into her fancy, large house, you couldn’t turn down his puppy eyes. You ended up eating popcorn, your eyes glued to the screen as you tried desperately not to let your eyes linger to your two friends in the kitchen, chatting and flirting, and leaving you out.

There was a pit at the bottom of your stomach that you chose to ignore, though you feared what you suspected would become true. You remembered when the two finally returned to the couch, albeit giggly as they were, and they couldn’t keep their hands off each other to swat one another playfully or other things that made you want to throw up. At some point, Jungkook was tickling Seulgi, and you had to jump off the couch to avoid her shrieking and kicking self.

Somewhere in the middle of the movie, you went to the kitchen to get a refreshment, and Seulgi came in, hopping after you, beaming brightly. “Oh my God, Y/N, how could you have never introduced me to Jungkook? Or  _mentioned_  him? He’s like, the most  _amazing_  guy I’ve ever met! How dare you keep him all to yourself,” she giggled, swatting your arm playfully.

You cock up a sideways smirk, trying to ignore the heavy feeling in your heart. “Must’ve slipped my mind.”

She scoffed in disbelief, grinning widely as she rolled her eyes. “Very funny. Seriously though, how have you never made a move?”

You shrugged, licking your lips nervously. “We’re just friends. He’s like a brother to me.”

Seulgi’s grin stretched across her features. “I gave him my number earlier. I know I sound cheesy, but I felt…   _something_. Like sparks? I don’t know, but I definitely want him in my life. I want to be with him, and I know I do. I haven’t known him for long, and I feel ridiculous telling you this, especially since there’s not one loving bone in your body, but I just… I feel the tug, you know?”

You winced, knowing exactly what she meant. The moment you saw Jungkook, it was as though you knew you were going to fall hard. You were immediately attracted to him, and you were practically zapped by the jolts of electricity flowing between the two when they first met, but an hour or two ago.

“Good for you,” you smiled, though it didn’t meet your eyes. Seulgi didn’t notice, though. “But warning, he typically only gets in brief relationships. Like, only for two months, and then dumps the girl.”

Seulgi’s eyes narrowed, and she eyed you carefully. “Are you trying to keep me from making a move on him or something?”

Your eyes widened, and though a part of you wanted to prevent all of this, you know you couldn’t actually admit to it. “What? No! Nonsense, I just don’t want you getting hurt, that’s all. He’s my best friend, even if he’s a player, and you’re also my best friend. I just… don’t want to be caught in the middle.”

She nodded in understanding and smiled. “So I have your blessing?”

There was a lump in your throat. You briefly had a little daydream of getting her family shotgun that hung over one of the fireplaces to shoot her in the head, two brief shots of pew pew. “Of course.”

From then on, Jungkook and Seulgi seemed to be dating. You assumed it would only last a few months, and Seulgi would come crying in your arms once Jungkook finally had his fun and left, like what he did with all the other love interests. But two months turned into six, and six turned into twelve until it had been three years.

Three years of nonstop swooning and gushing from Seulgi, who went on about how passionately he’d kiss her in the car, or what a good lover he was. How romantic he was, and how each night he’d text her goodnight. She’d show off the texts of them sending hearts and lovey-dovey text messages to each other, and she was bursting with happiness the first time he said he loved her, which was five months after they got together. Each time you pulled up a fake smile for her, telling her you were so happy you introduced the two, and you’d tease how if it wasn’t for you, neither would be aware of the other’s presence. But secretly, you’d cry to yourself, thinking about how desperately you wanted to be in your friend’s place, and how each snippet and sneak peek into the life of Junkook’s love made you crumble a bit more.

It wasn’t so easy with Jungkook either. Each time you tried to hang out with him alone, it was difficult, because he spent most of his time with Seulgi. And when you were finally alone with him, he’d be Facetiming Seulgi or sending her texts. He’d go on, asking you questions about her, never shutting up about a funny story involving her, or for advice regarding a surprise he held in store. Each time your heart seemed to sink a little bit more.

Anytime you three would hang out, you would be the third wheel. Jungkook occasionally tried to give you attention and include you, but it would slip past him eventually as the day went on, and you were the person walking awkwardly behind them on a sidewalk as they held hands, their swinging arms taunting you.

But you couldn’t jeopardize your friendship with the two of them like that. You couldn’t. You couldn’t choose between the two of them because that would mean losing the other, and you loved both equally, though in different ways. You had known Seulgi since you were small, and Jungkook was with you through some of your hardest times. But it wasn’t like you could let them go either because that would mean losing them both.

You considered distancing yourself from the situation, ignoring texts and calls. Well, mainly Jungkook’s, because you were typically the one who had to call Seulgi to meet up or hang out. But Jungkook showed up at your house unexpectantly, asking if you were alright and desperately asking why you were ignoring him, and you did your best not to break down from the heartache you’ve been suffering through as he hugged you tightly in his embrace.

You couldn’t tell them. You couldn’t let them live with the guilt they didn’t deserve, not when their smiles were so bright with each other. Though your heart was breaking piece by piece, you tried to convince yourself it was worth it, seeing your most treasured friends so happy.

But there was one night that seemed to change seemingly everything.

Seulgi was away on vacation with a few friends, and Jungkook decided to invite you to go out drinking, especially since he hadn’t seen you as often as the past few days, especially because of Seulgi keeping him busy.

You didn’t bother dressing nice, mainly in a casual dress instead of a sexy one you would’ve worn. For one, what would be the point if the only boy worth seducing was madly in love with your best friend? Secondly, if Seulgi were there, she’d most likely remind you that it wouldn’t be a good idea for you to show off your legs in such a revealing dress. Even when she wasn’t there, she was in the back of your head, and that was the part about Seulgi that no one could shake. She was always there, even if she wasn’t in the flesh.

You were on your first shot, trying to numb the pain of being with your friend. It felt wrong, even if he was your friend and you had every right to be with him, but a part of you felt like you were betraying your friend. You didn’t want to lose her or disappoint her, and if she only knew of the harbored feelings you felt for her boyfriend, you were sure you’d never get to see him again. Each time you looked into his eyes that held a certain innocence that was completely unaware of your sin of coveting for another, you were reminded that he wasn’t yours.

But you got better. At hiding it. At dealing with it. With numbing the pain and suppressing it, pulling up your brightest smile that Jungkook claimed shone more each passing day. If only he knew. You laughed the hardest, you smiled the brightest, and you tried to make them smile more, all in pathetic feeble attempts to mask your cowardice.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been seeing you so much lately,” Jungkook mentions, watching you down another shot, the burning liquid sliding down your throat at an agonizingly slow pace. “I guess I’ve just been busy with Seulgi lately, that’s all.”

More like the last three years. You waved your hand, dismissing it. “Don’t worry, I’ve been busy lately too.”

“I, uh, I’ve got something to confess,” Jungkook murmurs.

You cock a brow at him, confused, your hand tapping on the third shot glass and tapping your nail against it. “And what is that?” You didn’t want to get your hopes up.

“I think I want to propose to her,” Jungkook confesses, his smile growing by the second. “I know, we’re young, and we’re still in college. But I love her, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, y'know? And we’ve been dating for three years.”

You were about to let your jaw drop, and if you were drinking water you would’ve spit it out immediately. The familiar lump in your throat was forming again, and your heart was sinking all the way down to your stomach. “What? Now? Jungkook… I don’t think that’s the best idea,” you blurted.

His face fell. “You don’t?”

Your eyes were wide. “Well, you guys are meant for each other! You’re not going anywhere, you two love each other, but you’ve also got student loans and college to worry about… you should probably wait a bit later. I’m just thinking logically, now.”

Jungkook nods. “Yeah, if you think it’s a bad idea, you’re probably right. I trust your opinion, and I trust you more than anyone,” Jungkook admits. “To be honest, things between me and Seulgi haven’t been peachy lately anyways. I love her to death, trust me, and… oh, she probably either told you this already or wouldn’t want me to…”

“You can tell me,” you assured him, surprised that something wrong was happening. Usually, when Seulgi complained, it was about something ridiculous, where Jungkook was doing basically nothing wrong and she was too prideful to admit her wrongdoings. But that was a Seulgi thing.

“Well, we haven’t had sex in like… over a month,” Jungkook admits. “I mean, it’s no big deal, but she’s been so busy and every time I make an offer she’s too tired or busy. I don’t know, I’m probably acting stupid, but it’s a bit difficult, you know? I try to talk to her, you know, but she just-”

“-shuts you out?” you finish for him. “Yeah, I get that.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook murmurs. “I guess I’ve been thinking about proposing so much because I’m rushing, or I’m worried, you know?”

You nodded, quickly turning to another glass and downing it. You needed to be drunk for this conversation, most definitely, and the alcohol wasn’t taking the desired effect yet. “Yeah. I know what you mean. I wouldn’t fret about it. Try to sit down with her and talk about it, don’t give her an opportunity to run away. And whatever you do, don’t let her make you feel guilty and pin the blame on you when confrontation finally happens.”

“Does that happen to you a lot?” Jungkook asks, surprised by your slip of the tongue.

You wave your hand dismissively, taking another shot glass and handing another to him. “C'mon, it’s not often we hang out without your girlfriend Facetiming or other stuff,” you murmur, pushing the glass in his hand, ignoring his previous question. “Get drunk with me. Like that time we were fifteen and snuck my dad’s liquor, remember?”

Jungkook chuckled. “You were a babbling mess that day, and we got into so much trouble.”

You remembered you almost confessed to him that day, in your drunken self, but luckily your small frame couldn’t handle alcohol as well as you could now, and you passed out before you could let the secret slip.

For the rest of the night, you pushed glass after glass into Jungkook’s hand, downing more yourself until you were both laughing, sputtering messes. You weren’t drunk, surprisingly enough. Though your frame was smaller than Jungkook’s, your nights of getting drunk made your liver somewhat more tolerable, and Jungkook was the definition of lightweight. Within three shots he was drunk, but you were still aware of everything with four. You nudged Jungkook’s laughing form, that was babbling nonsense.

Your drunken self was able to text an Uber, and you were trying hard not to drop Jungkook as you draped his arm over your shoulder, making your way to the car you ordered to come by. You’d crash at your own place, and once you hobbled back to your apartment and into your bedroom you quickly shoved Jungkook’s form on the mattress, hearing him let out wild chuckles and giggle to himself. Jungkook was always like this when he was drunk, a laughing mess. Though whatever was damn funny, you’d never know.

You were smashed, and everything was hitting you harder than before, your vision turning blurry and your arms feeling loose and silky. You turned to leave and wash up, but Jungkook grabbed your wrist, yanking you down on the bed with him as your body slammed against the mattress. You didn’t know how it happened, but before long his body was crushing your own, and your lips were flushed and kissing wildly against his.

You knew this was wrong, but the usual pit of guilt and dread seemed to disappear for those drunken moments, and the lump in your throat that usually formed from those nights of endless crying evaporated, and his lips were a flurry against your own. Your arms snaked around his neck, pulling him in, wanting to call and mark him as your own. His lips attached to your neck and his hands rode up your dress skirt, his hands traveling to fondle with your breasts under your bra.

It was escalating so fast, and though it should, you didn’t want it to stop.

“Fuck,” Jungkook murmured against your neck. “I love you, I love you so fucking much.”

Your heart fluttered, and you moaned out as he sucked and nipped at your neck, his hands were rough as he kneaded your breasts, the fabric of your dress riding up along his arms. He was yours, for tonight he was yours and yours alone, and that’s what you wanted so desperately to believe.

“I love you so much, Seulgi,” he groaned out her name, his lips flying back to yours.

Your heart shattered, knowing that even his drunken self thought of her, and only her. But you could be her. You always wanted to be her perfect self, with her classy family, and her perfect boyfriend. You’d be her for one night, for him. Your drunken self ignored his murmurs of her name against your skin and replaced it with your own, and you were wishing so desperately for it to be true, it fragmented a twisted illusion.

“I want to taste you,” he groaned, his fingers pulling and tugging at your nipples underneath the dress. “I want to taste how wet you are for me, princess.”

Princess. That’s his pet name for Seulgi.

You mewled at his words, letting your fingers untangle from his locks to slip to your panties, tugging them off until you could kick them down your legs. He groaned in delight, descending down your body to hitch your dress up, his movements quick and rushed as he yanked you closer, diving into your heat, his nose nuzzling with your clit. You gasped at the sensation, your hands twisting into his hair, threading through and pulling him deeper as his tongue lapped tentatively at your folds. “You’re so wet for me,” Jungkook groaned. “Fuck.”

“J-Jungkook,” you whispered out, screwing your eyes shut. “Don’t stop.”

He kept licking at your folds, and your high was approaching. You were confused when he came up, as though for air, but when he immediately plunged into your heat, brushing against your walls, and his palm digging into your clit to rub it sensually, making you grind into his palm in response. He chuckled darkly at your ministrations, pumping his fingers into you as you bucked into his hand.

“Mm, you like my dirty fingers in your dirty pussy?” He laughed, adding a third. You could hear how wet you were, the sounds from his fingers causing you to grimace. The lewd sounds turned you on more than you wanted to admit, though it slightly embarrassed. Your cheeks were still glowing red from the alcohol, but now they burned with each pump and curl of Jungkook’s fingers.

“Yes,” you moaned out. “I do, fuck.”

“You always do,” Jungkook remarks, taking his fingers out and sucking on them, and you were getting so turned on by how his tongue twirled around his cum-soaked digits, lapping up the juices.

“Jungkook,” you gasped out, looking into his half-lidded eyes. “I need you inside me.”

“Why should I, when you’ve been acting like a bitch these past few weeks?” he grumbles absentmindedly, his words slurred. “Fine. Get me ready then.”

You didn’t hesitate to get on your knees, sinking before him and undoing his jeans, until you finally had his cock in your hand. It was flushed and angry, half-hard and ready for your hot cavern. You heard Seulgi brag about it multiple times, describing it in great detail as though to show you up compared to your multiple and empty hookups, but frankly, she didn’t do it glory. It was marvelous in your opinion, but perhaps that was because you’ve wanted to see it for so long.

You eagerly sunk down on him, taking a deep breath before letting your nose plunge all the way down to nuzzle into his fine hair. Jungkook yelped, his hands forcing you down, the tip of the head hitting the back of your throat and causing you to gag and spasm around his dick.

“Shit, shit, fuck,” Jungkook whimpers out. “Since when did you give head? God, we should’ve done this a long time ago.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, beginning to bob your head up and down, hallowing your cheeks as you eagerly sucked along the shaft. Your hand flew up to move along the base, moving with your head as you sunk down on him time and time again. The drunken moans and shudders you received from the boy made it worth it, absolute music to your ears. He was a heavy breather, and you looked innocently back up at him, batting your lashes as he threw his head back, his Adam’s apple traveling up and down the column of his throat as he swallowed.

You popped off finally, taking in greedy breaths of air, marveling at how his cock glistened with precum and your spit. You looked up to Jungkook, letting a small whine escape your lips in neediness.

Jungkook looked down to you, and his hand pets your hair affectionately, as though telling you you did a good job. “Alright, baby, you’ve earned it. Especially after that,” he murmured, a light smile on his face. “Get on the bed now, princess.”

You practically jumped on top of the bed, and there was no finer sight than Jungkook peeling off his shirt, crawling on top of you to meet your lips. You wondered if he could taste himself, though you were sure that you could still taste the slight flavor of yourself against his tongue. His skin was warm against yours. Warm. That’s what Jungkook always was, your small, golden candlelight that lead you through the darkness. The small flame of warmth that offered the tiniest bit of comfort and warmth in the coldest of days.

Jungkook took your legs up to drape over his shoulder, your foot dangling by his head as he pushed into you. Never before had you felt so satisfied, and even the alcohol couldn’t fake that. Jungkook wasn’t the type to let you adjust, and within seconds he was pounding into you, his hips slamming repeatedly against your own.

The sounds of skin slapping against skin and moans filled the room, bouncing off the corners of the bedroom as a crime was performed, but neither of you was worried about the consequences. You were too drunk to care. Not now. You couldn’t think about what you always worry about, not at this time.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” Jungkook repeated in a mantra, thrusting harder into you with each time he repeated the phrase. No matter how much you wished the words were for you, you knew it’d always be for her. It was always her. Never you. Jungkook reached around your leg to reach your clit, letting your bucking hips reach his fingers, giving some friction to your nub.

The pressure in your lower stomach started to intensify. The coil was stretching further and further, threatening to snap, and your moans were getting louder by the second as your orgasm approached. “J-Jungkook, I’m going to cum,” you gasped aloud.

“You’re going to cum, princess?” he grunted, snapping his hips more, using more pressure against your clit in the way that sent your eyes rolling back. “Cum for me, Seulgi.”

You had no idea why, but that seemed to be the thing that sent you over the edge. As fucked up as it sounds, the moment the words escaped his lips your legs were shaking, and you were repeating a mantra of his name as your orgasm washed over.

Jungkook pulled out, pumping his cock eagerly as you sat up, eagerly opening your mouth to him. You swatted his hand away, sucking his dick again until you felt the hot seed spill past your lips and onto your awaiting tongue, and you eagerly swallowed every drop. It tumbled down, and you broke away, watching as his cock slowly turned soft.

The both of you were absolutely sweaty and panting messes, and a question lingered in the back of your head that you did it this time. You fucked up.

* * *

With Jungkook’s arms wrapped tightly around your waist, and tears slowly dripping from the corner of your eye to the pillow, your blurry and hazed mind was beginning to clear the slightest bit, though sleep was threatening to consume you.

You glanced at the boy you wanted so desperately to be yours, in your arms, though he suspected he was in another’s. He was sleeping so softly, his nose whistling slightly. Your friend, and what would you tell Seulgi? She’d be livid, she’d be furious. She’d hate you. She’d hate Jungkook. Jungkook would hate you. Jungkook would hate himself. You’d get the blame, because you were the best friend. You harbored your feelings, but neither of them knew about that, did they? It wasn’t their fault for that.

You used him. Your drunken self used his intoxicated one, and you committed one of the most horrible crimes in girl code. You felt absolutely awful.

And yet.

And yet something deep in the most sickening, twisted, selfish part of you felt so content, so happy to have the boy you love by your side.

You were a horrible human being.

You reached to Jungkook’s face, moving a delicate strand of hair from his perfect, angelic face.

“I love you,” you whispered, tears in your eyes.

* * *

“Oh no, oh no no no!” Jungkook yelled out, scrambling to a sitting position. You immediately woke up, the hangover and memories crashing into you like a tidal wave.

He didn’t- you didn’t-  _oh no_.

“Jungkook, I’m so sorry-” you stammered out, reaching an arm out to him.

“Don’t touch me,” Jungkook said, “not now. No, this can’t be happening. I wouldn’t- no, it’s impossible-”

“I’m so sorry,” you cried out, tears swimming in your eyes. “I’m sorry, I-I- we were drunk- you- I’m so sorr-”

“No, don’t,” Jungkook recoiled, snapping away. He searched frantically around the floor of your room, finding his clothes. You watched in helplessness as he gathered his clothes, yanking them on, with the most horrified and guilt-stricken look on his face.

You were outright holding back tears, seeing him go back to her again, and Jungkook looked at you one last time as he opened the door, his eyes pooled with guilt, shock, and confusion. Your lower lip was quivering, though you clasped your hand over your mouth, trying to hide the fear in your wide eyes.

With that, he slammed the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a week since Jungkook slept with you.

Jungkook was radiating in guilt, swimming in it. Part of him wanted to set all of the blame on you, but that would be unfair. He wanted to say you were the one who seduced him into committing the crime, that you were the one who was to blame, but the alcohol failed to make him forget that he was the one who pulled you in bed and that he was the one who cheated. He made the choice, and he was to blame.

Besides, he wouldn’t be able to stay mad at you. He wanted to be, of course he did, but he was more so mad at himself. Besides, you were his best friend, the other half of his heart next to Seulgi. You were there for him during the hardest times, you were the shoulder he cried on when there was a rough patch between him and Seulgi, and you were his best friend.

You.

Fuck, what did he do? You were his best friend, but what were you now? He just slept with you for God’s sake, and it wasn’t like he could take it back. What were your thoughts on it? It was a mistake, he knew that. It was never supposed to happen, he never saw you that way, and neither did his drunken self since he remembered repeatedly chanting another girl’s name as he plunged himself into you.

But what were you to him now? He didn’t love you the same way he loved Seulgi, he knew that. You were his world but in a different sense. Jungkook used to think that he loved you as a sister.

But definitely not. Not now.

Now he wasn’t so sure what he saw you as. He wasn’t sure what he loved you as either.

And what about you? Were you crying your eyes out every night out of guilt and shame, like he was? Were you getting confused on your friendship with him, like how he was with you?

Most importantly, were you going to tell Seulgi?

He had no doubt in his mind he loved Seulgi. He was in love with her, he was planning to propose. When they first met it was as though sparks flew. They had so much in common, their passion for dancing, you, and many more topics. She just got it, and she was like him in a sense that they shared the same interests. They were the ones who were used to the spotlight, both talented dancers, absolute visuals compared to the normal person. Her striking personality and boldness seemed to attract him, and she felt the same way. Through everything, through fights or misunderstandings, she was the one he wanted.

But what did he want now? He wanted her, he still did, but even he knew he couldn’t get everything he wanted.

Seulgi had been home for three days since her vacation, and Jungkook could tell she was surprised he wasn’t trying to pounce on her like most days, asking her if she was in the mood at last to have sex. Jungkook planned to tell her and profusely apologize the moment she got home, but when she smiled weakly and claimed she was tired from her trip, and immediately headed to the restroom to get ready for bed, Jungkook didn’t let the words slip. They just wouldn’t fall out or tumble from his lips, and he couldn’t bring himself to blurt out the secret he was dying to get off his chest.

But his mouth was sewn shut, though he still avoided her eye. He still flinched at her touch, and his mind was spinning so crazily that he couldn’t sort out anything. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know what he was supposed to feel, or think, or anything. He was shattered, and he knew no way to piece himself back together.

Perhaps the days of not constantly asking about sex had made Seulgi curious or turned on, because when Jungkook was absentmindedly staring at the glowing TV screen, she sat next to him, curling into him and not noticing his tense form. Jungkook’s eyes slowly followed her fingers, that trailed down his clothed torso to rest directly on his crotch. Jungkook did nothing, not sure if he wanted her to stop or continue, and Seulgi took his silence as approval, her hand creeping underneath the band of his sweatpants and boxers to take his length in her hand.

His dick twitched at her touch, beginning to harden as her hand slowly pumped along his length, and her lips attached to his neck.

“You’ve been quiet these past few days,” Seulgi murmured, batting her lashes as she saw him stiffen underneath her touch. “Need to take your mind off some things.”

Jungkook tilted his head back, closing his eyes and humming in response. He didn’t want to think. He didn’t want to feel. He didn’t know what to do except dive into her touch, letting her do as she pleased. Though each touch left a certain fire that traced along his skin, burning into him and leaving the words  _cheater_  etched across the smooth expanse of his soft skin.

Seulgi started to pump him faster, sloppy kisses pressed against his neck in eagerness. He groaned slightly, and his member became fully stiff in her palm. She stopped, instead choosing to climb on top of him, grinding down on him in circles, making the boy groan out at the sensation. Seulgi’s lips latched onto him, and she nipped and sucked at his lips eagerly, her arms wrapping around his neck to pull him in deeper. Jungkook screwed his eyes shut, trying to push down the burning sensation her every touch left, trying to let the unsettling feeling in his gut settle and leave him alone.

His arms wrapped around her waist, feeling her grind down on him, his stiff member quivering as he shuddered with each rotation of her hips.

But he couldn’t do it.

He pushed her back gently, and she gave him a confused look, lips bright and swollen, and eyes narrowed. “What’s wrong, baby?”

His eyes were filled with guilt, and he didn’t understand how she didn’t know right then and there what he did. Tears were starting to brim his waterline as the pressure and guilt built up in the pit of his stomach as he stared into her eyes, worry and dread filling every corner of his eyes.

“I love you,” he whispered. “It might not seem like it when I tell you this, but I do. I love you to the bottom of my heart, and you’re my other half.”

Seulgi’s brows furrowed in confusion, and she gripped his shoulders to stabilize herself on his lap. “What? Jungkook, you’re scaring me.”

A lone tear slipped down Jungkook’s eye, quickly dropping down his cheek. It was cold, alone, just like he knew he’d be once she found out. He was so scared of losing her, but what else could he do? The worst had been done, and it wasn’t like he could rewind time after commiting the ultimate betrayal. “I’m so sorry, princess.”

“Spit it out, Jungkook,” Seulgi spat. “Is this some sort of prank? Because it’s not funny.”

“I cheated on you,” Jungkook breathed, the confession barely over a whisper.

It hung in the air, and Seulgi’s face was blank. Was it disbelief? Was she letting the words settle and imbed in her mind? She was looking at him like he was a stranger. “W-What?” she gasped out, her voice quiet and timid.

Jungkook glanced down, unable to meet her eyes.

Seulgi quickly climbed off of him, taking a few steps back, her every step shaky and her eyes wide. It was as if he just told her he was about to kill her, and she had five seconds to leave. “You’re joking. This isn’t funny, Jungkook, we both know you’d never do that.”

“I was drunk,” Jungkook added, his voice broken at the sorry excuse. “We hadn’t had sex in weeks, and you were away, and I thought she was you… and…”

Seulgi’s hand quickly went to smack against his cheek, swinging his head to the side and leaving a burning mark on his cheek, which he was sure would swell a bit as the day progressed. Seulgi scrambled away, escaping to the bedroom. Jungkook saw her reappear seconds later, jacket on and bag in hand and her heels clacked against the floor as she made her way to the door.

“Princess, don’t you want to talk about this?” Jungkook asked, getting up. “Please, please don’t leave-”

“Don’t touch me!” Seulgi snapped, swiping his hand away as he tried to reach for me. “Don’t lay a finger on me, asshat!”

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook whispered, another tear slipping down his cheek, this one fat and warm as it rolled down quickly and dropped to the floor. “I love you, I do, I know you don’t believe me-”

“Jungkook, how the fuck can I believe you at a time like this?” Seulgi barked, eyes narrowed as she went to face him. She poked his finger into his chest, jabbing him as he took a step back, his eyes wide with fear and sorrow. “You went out and slept with some whore because I was away. We’ve been together for three years, and God, you cheated on me.  _Cheated_! Do you know how fucked up that is?”

“Yes, I know,” Jungkook said softly. “I’m so sorry, I left the minute I realized. I’m so sorry, and what makes it worse is-”

“I don’t want to hear it!” Seulgi interrupted. “I-I have to go. I can’t even look at you right now.”

Jungkook felt like he was two feet tall, shrinking as he watched her fumble with the doorknob, swinging it open and slamming it behind her with all the aggression she could muster.

Jungkook dropped to the floor, staring blankly at the door. The love of his life, gone. Just like that.

* * *

You were surprised, to say the least when someone was repeatedly slamming their fist against your door at 2 AM in the morning. You groggily got out of bed, in your pajamas and all, and opened the door, utterly baffled to see Seulgi with mascara running down her face, and her face blotchy from tears.

Her body slammed into yours, and she started crying and sobbing in your arms. You never, not once in your long friendship, saw her like this. She was always composed, always laughing off whoever was being a thorn in her side and claiming they were trying to drag her down with them. On the rare occasions, she was actually bothered, she had a way of pretty-crying, in the way where tears slipped down her face and she still looked absolutely beautiful.

But this? She was crying the same way you were, with puffy eyes and a blotchy face, her makeup streaked across her face and snot running down her nose. She cried the same way you did every night, and you were stunned. You admitted sometimes you forgot she was human too. Typically you could do no wrong.

“S-Seulgi?” you stammered, your stomach plummeting. Did she know? But you had to pull up your usual facade. She couldn’t know, or at least, she couldn’t know until someone told her. She wouldn’t be crying in your arms right now if she knew, right? You’d have to be oblivious for now. Until she confronted you about it. You were scared of what she’d do once you told her. You were a liar, a horrible friend, but you’ve been lying since the beginning. You were used to it. Telling her the truth would mean telling her everything, and you couldn’t have Jungkook knowing. Definitely not. “What’s wrong?”

“H-He c-c-cheated on me,” Seulgi sobbed, pressing her face into your shoulder, sniffling and her body shaking. “Jungkook s-slept with another g-girl.”

Your eyes widened in mock surprise. “What? You’re joking. There’s absolutely no way. He’s crazy about you, Seulgi, he loves you.” It pained you to even say it, though it was the truth.

“Clearly not, idiot,” she snapped at you, pulling back. Seulgi was always like this when she was upset, lashing out at anyone regardless of whether or not they did anything. Well, you did, so you suppose you deserved it. “He cheated on me. You don’t cheat on someone you love, do you?”

“It must’ve been a mistake,” you reasoned. “Wasn’t it?”

“What does it matter? The point is he crammed his dick into some whore,” she spat, wiping her tears away. “He was drunk and he thought she was me… that’s what he said… but does that really matter in the long run?”

You knew you couldn’t be selfish. As desperately as you wanted to be, you couldn’t stand to see your best friend this distraught. You couldn’t even imagine what Jungkook was feeling now. The selfish side of you wanted to tell her it didn’t matter, and she should move on and forget. But you knew you had to fix this, even if it was at the expense of your own happiness. Either way, you knew you’d suffer. “Seulgi, it does matter. If he thought it was you, of course, he didn’t desire anyone else. And you know when you’re drunk things can get… confusing. People can… people can make mistakes.” You spoke both on Jungkook’s behalf and your own for that part. Seulgi seemed unaffected by your words, and you sighed, opening the door a bit wider. “Come in, I’ll make your favorite.”

One hot chocolate later, Seulgi’s sobs seemed to settle into sniffles, though she was clearly still distraught. You settled by her, drinking some coffee to calm your nerves. You could never lie well without some form of caffeine flowing through your veins, as weird as it sounds. It was one of the few things that kept you partially sane around your two friends. It was like the pew pew of tolerance that let you stay awake with this tiring life.

“Do you know who the girl is?” you warily ask, sipping on your bitter coffee. You kept it black for tonight, simply so that the bitter taste could distract you from the bitter situation.

“What does it matter?” Seulgi spat, pressing her nose and thumb to the bridge of her nose, massaging it. You recognized it, it was what she always did when she was annoyed. “No. No, I don’t know who the slut is, but if I ever find out, I swear I’ll bash her head into the wall.”

You gulped nervously, taking another long sip of your coffee. “Well, how did he tell you? How’d you find out?”

“Get this,” she sighed, taking one last swig of her hot chocolate. “So we were getting hot and heavy, you know, and it had been a while, admittedly. And Jungkook pushes me away in the midst of it and basically tells me. He claimed he loved me still, but I stormed out. I just… it hurts so much, Y/N. My heart is shattered. Since you introduced him to me, I was whipped, and I was in love with him for three years. Three fucking years, I devoted myself to him, just to find out he couldn’t do the same. I feel betrayed, and hurt, and I just wonder if I wasn’t good enough for him.”

She was starting to tear up again, and you felt guilt wave over you. You took a long gulp from the bitter coffee before saying, “God, Seulgi, you’re more than enough. You’re gorgeous and talented and brilliant and so much more, don’t ever think you’re not enough. I’m so sorry for introducing him to you in the first place.”

She smiled weakly at that, and you rubbed her shoulder sympathetically. “Thanks, Y/N, you always know exactly what to say,” Seulgi sniffled. “That’s one of the things I love about you, you’re always there for me. You were there for me through my best and my worst, and you were always by my side. I don’t know what I did in a past life to have someone as sweet or as comforting as you for a friend, but I’m thankful, so, so much. I know it might not seem like it, but I appreciate you. I’m glad I can depend on you. At least I know there’s someone I can trust, who won’t lie to me.”

Your heartbeat raced, and you felt so ashamed. But you couldn’t tell her, not now, not like this. This was the Seulgi you stuck by, the one who told you her honest feelings and let herself break down to you only. The one who was sweet and saw you as charming and adorable at times. This was the Seulgi you never left, because what sort of friend were you if you could be with her at her best, but ran away at her worst? That was looked down upon, and you yourself would feel utterly horrible to do something like that. Especially because this pain was caused by none other than you.

“I know,” you said, making her chuckle as she set down her hot chocolate, wrapping you in a hug. It was warm and comforting, and you couldn’t help but remember all the times she was there for you, giving you that same hug and telling you everything was going to be alright.

“I don’t know how I’m going to see him again,” Seulgi murmured. “I still love him. A lot. You know?”

“Yeah, I know,” you huffed. “Just do whatever makes you happy, Seulgi. I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

She hugged you tighter, and you didn’t want to let go of her. Your friend was as broken as you were, and you felt horrible being the person who caused it all. But you intended to keep your promise, and you reminded yourself of that even as she fell asleep in your arms, hugging you so tightly in her sleep, and only the guilt eating at your heart and the ****caffeine kept you up.

* * *

It had been a few days since Seulgi found out that Jungkook cheated on her. Three days, to be exact. It had been ten days since you had sex with Jungkook. You didn’t have any update on the situation, though from what you could tell, things were pretty unsure as of now.

There was a knock on your door, and you were surprised, to say the least, to see Jungkook standing there. Ten days since you last saw him, and you couldn’t help but scold yourself that you forgot how beautiful his eyes were, trapping you in the stars and galaxies that were held in his reflecting dark spheres.

And they still held pain, hurt, and guilt. Mostly sorrow, but you noticed they were devoid of hope. He seemed to relax, though, relief waving over him as you opened the door. Though why he was seeing you, after everything that just happened, was beyond you.

“Jungkook?” You had no idea why he was here unannounced. “Jungkook, what’re you doing here? After everything that just happened, this should be the last place you’d even think of going! Why aren’t you with Seulgi? I-”

“Shh,” he said, reaching out to press a finger against your lips to hush you.

Your heart fluttered, though you narrowed your eyes, putting his hand down and looking at him, though you avoided his eye. “Why are you here, Jungkook? I’m confused.”

“You’re still my best friend, Y/N,” Jungkook reminded you. Your heart sunk a bit at his words. “If I can’t go to you, who can I go to?”

You sighed, knowing it was true. You were the only one he trusted, and you were the only one who was truly there for him. It wasn’t like you could turn him away in his most desperate of times. “Come in, then. No sense of us talking in the hallway,” you murmured, inviting him in as he followed after you.

After a few solemn minutes of you preparing coffee and some tea for him, he spoke up.

“Can you look me in the eye?” he requested. “At least look at me, please. I can’t bear to lose you too.”

You looked him in the eye, and at once you wanted to collapse on the spot. “You haven’t lost Seulgi, Jungkook, and you won’t lose me either.”

Jungkook shook his head, taking the tea from your hand. “She left as soon as I told her, Y/N. I’m sure I lost her.”

“She still loves you, and you haven’t lost her,” you countered, sipping your coffee. “I know. She came to me right after and said so. She was a mess, Jungkook, I never saw her like that. I couldn’t bear to tell her.”

“I was going to, but she left before I could explain,” Jungkook sighed. “I’m pretty sure we’ve broken up. She hasn’t answered any of my calls or responded to my texts, and I’m sure she just ignores me every time I come to her door.”

Your heart sunk. “You can’t give up hope.”

“I already have,” Jungkook shook his head, sipping his tea. “I’m sorry I came here and bothered you, I just… you’re always the one I turn to for problems, you know? I’m sorry I got you in this mess, and you’ve always been there for me, and I feel so horrible, you have no idea. I’ve been eating myself up with guilt for so long. Not just for what I did to her, but to you, too. I shouldn’t have gotten you into this mess.”

“Are you crazy?” you gasped, utterly baffled. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have let it happen, and now I’m a liar who’s been lying to Seulgi about what happened, and I didn’t even think to go reach out to you. I’m the one who slept with you, and if I just kept my hands to myself, everything would be okay.”

“You’re not the one who cheated,” he reminded you.

“But I am the one who hurt two of my best friends,” you countered. “And I’m the one to blame. I promise I’ll do my best to fix all of this. I just don’t want you to suffer, and both of you are miserable. I’m the one at fault, so ultimately I should be the one who fixes everything.”

Jungkook shook his head, going towards you to wrap you in a hug. You were shocked, stiff under his comforting arms, but allowed yourself to hug him back, praying he wouldn’t notice how your heart raced against his chest. “How can you be so selfless?” he murmured in your hair, pressing his lips to your head. “How can you be so brave and fearless, when I’m here hiding from my problems like a coward? This isn’t your situation to fix, and you’re not the one to blame.”

“I’m not selfless, I’m just doing what’s right,” you sighed. “We both betrayed her. She… she doesn’t deserve this, you know?”

“There’s no way she’ll take me back,” Jungkook sighed, stepping away, but not letting you out of his embrace. He was crying, and you saw tears rest on his heavenly face. You didn’t even realize. “I’ve been a mess these days, but I don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve you. I should probably start accepting that this is the end of my relationship with her.”

“Jungkook, don’t speak like that,” you said.

“It’s over, Y/N,” he mumbled, fat tears cascading down his tan cheeks and dropping onto your own skin. “Seulgi and I. It’s over.”

You nodded, knowing he genuinely believed it. “I just want you to be happy, Jungkook. You love her. She makes you happy. That’s all I want, for you two to be happy. Not this, with you crying and her crying. It breaks my heart.”

Jungkook laughed. “You’re the only one not crying. I can’t recall a single time you did cry. You’re always so fearless.”

In front of him, that is.

“I’m sorry for treating you the way I did that day, by the way,” Jungkook mentions. “When we woke up. I ran, and I treated you awful. I might’ve seemed mad at you, but I was just mad at myself for what I did. It wasn’t fair to anyone.”

You nodded. “I understand. There’s nothing you can do that I couldn’t forgive, Jungkook.”

“God, I love you,” Jungkook murmurs, hugging you tightly again.

How you wish he meant that the same way you did.

“I love you, too,” you sigh, hugging him tightly, feeling his tears drop onto your sleeve. He thought you meant it in the best friend way, but it was far from the truth. You stepped back, preparing to take another sip of your coffee when Jungkook unexpectedly pulled you back in, smashing his lips to yours.

You pulled back, shocked. “What the hell, Jungkook? Have you not learned from last time? I’m not Seulgi!”

He blinked at you, and the sorrow appeared once again as the name tumbled from your lips. “I know. I know you’re not her, and I’m glad you’re not. I know, Y/N, trust me.”

“I’m not the one you want, Jungkook,” you explain, your heart shattering at him being like this. “You want Seulgi. You love her. I’m not her, you don’t love me. Not in that way. You can’t just replace me with her.”

“I know you’re not. Trust me, I do. But how would you know what I want overall? I don’t even know,” Jungkook pipes, his voice breaking as he spilled it out. His head bent forward, and he stared at the floor, tears falling from his face to the unforgiving ground. “Just… Just please, Y/N. Help distract me, help me forget about her so I can start accepting things are over.”

At that moment, your heart was crushed.

You reached forward, turning his face so that he could look at you, and you gently pressed your lips against his. “Okay.” Your voice was broken, quiet and barely above a whisper, but it was heard.

Jungkook’s lips went to yours again, and you were pulled into a kiss more intoxicating than alcohol. His lips were hot against yours, and he tasted slightly of the tea he drank. You screwed your eyes shut, suppressing the usual feeling fo guilt you became accustomed to, willing yourself to believe that since this time he knew who you were and he wasn’t drunk, he really did want this. That he wanted you. Your thumb brushed up to wipe away his tears, and you wiped them away, trying to kiss away the pain in both of your hearts.

Jungkook broke away for a second, and in a deep voice he commanded you, “Jump.”

You gripped his shoulders, leaping up into his arms, wrapping your arms around his waist before reconnecting your lips. You’d let him use you however he wanted tonight, as long as he’d keep feeding your sick and twisted delusion. You were so in love with him, and he was impossible to resist. You were about to scream as the two of you fell, but were surprised to find out he landed on your bed and had wandered into your bedroom without you noticing. Perhaps he was the one distracting you.

But for once your chest didn’t feel like it was caving in. Instead, it was fluttering with excitement as Jungkook started to remove the t-shirt that hung loosely on your torso. You weren’t wearing a bra underneath, and you were bare beneath him. You felt so vulnerable already, but Jungkook immediately took one of the buds in his awaiting mouth, sucking on it tenderly, all the while mumbling, “Beautiful.”

Beautiful…

You mewled out, his other hand reaching up to massage the breast he wasn’t paying attention to, and you were thankful for the attention. You didn’t blame Seulgi for bragging so much now, the boy knew what he was doing.

Jungkook didn’t waste too much time marking your skin and breasts, though, and though the bruises were predominant on your skin, you were thankful to at least have a visible mark that showed you were his, and not just the reminder from each time you thought his name in the morning when you wake up and then again as you fell asleep. He tugged down your shorts, fingers quickly swiping up your heat, making you mewl at the contact. He held up his slender digits, showing how they were already coated in the translucent gloss. He stared you in the eye, the little stars twinkling at you as he sucked tenderly on his fingers.

“So sweet,” he mumbled as his fingers slipped from his mouth.

You sat up, looking him in the eye. This night was about him, not you. You needed to make sure he could forget about everything, even if it were only for five minutes at least. “Let me suck you off,” you suggested.

Jungkook’s eyes lit up at your idea, and he quickly stripped down to nothing before standing on the bed, on his knees, his member rigid and ready for you to go down on him. You got on all fours, sinking down on his length and staring up at him, eyes as innocent as a doll’s, and you did your best to take him down. Your hand moved along the shaft as well, occasionally switching over to massage his balls.

Jungkook let out a deep, throaty moan, loving the way you’d go down on him, the tip of the head occasionally brushing against the back of your throat. He reached over, his hand slapping against your ass that was high in the air as you went down on him. He felt your throat tighten around his cock, and spanked you again, loving how when you moaned it felt as though you were vibrating around him. “Fuck, sweetheart, just like that,” Jungkook murmured.

You loved his approval, your heart wanting to burst as he started to pet your hair. You eagerly kept going down on him, trying to suck him dry. Your hand traveled down your body, and you rubbed your clit a bit, letting yourself tremble beneath your own touch. Plunging two fingers into your own heat, you rocked against your fingers as you pulled off of Jungkook’s cock, and when you sunk back down on him you rocked off of your fingers.

At some point Jungkook pulled you away, his form panting slightly. “Y/N,” he breathed out. “I need to be inside you.”

You nodded, eagerly falling back where your head was near the headboard, and Jungkook climbed on top of you. You were dripping wet, and Jungkook didn’t find much effort to slip inside of you, rocking against you immediately. You closed your eyes, moaning out at the sensation.

Your hand traveled down to rub your clit vigorously, letting the pleasure surge throughout. It shot through your sensitive nub, through your nerves in a way that had your eyes rolling back.

Sex with the others never seemed quite as special or as mind blowing as this, though perhaps it was because of how much you loved Jungkook.

His member brushed against your walls, filling you up as he kept slamming himself into you, mantras of his name falling from your lips. He grunted in response, but you were scared if he screamed a name, it would end up not being yours, just like last time.

It didn’t happen, though, because he was still rocking into you, and Seulgi’s name didn’t fall from those lush petals you called his lips. Instead, the sound of skin slapping repeatedly against skin echoed in the room, and you marveled at how beautiful it seemed to sound to you.

“I want you,” Jungkook grunted, closing his eyes and tossing his head back. “I want you, I want you,” he repeated in a mantra, and you knew he was trying to convince himself rather than you.

You felt your orgasm approach, and your back was soon arching off the bed, and you screamed his name as white hot bliss spread from your crotch and all throughout your body, giving you a sense of euphoria that was much more intense now that alcohol wasn’t clouding your brain. The orgasm washed over you, and soon enough you were beginning to feel oversensitive.

Jungkook relentlessly pounded into you, searching for his own release. You were cringing from the oversensitivity, and Jungkook noticed, instead pulling off of you to jack himself off, and you got up, opening your mouth to catch any of the hot liquid.

When it finally escaped, it pooled over your breasts, dripping over slightly, though it mainly stuck to your skin. Some fell onto your awaiting tongue, and you swallowed it eagerly. You were both sweaty messes now, yourself covered additionally in cum as you wiped it off with your own digits to suck on your fingers until they were clean.

You guys already did it once. What difference did a second time make?

* * *

Light crept between the blinds, and Jungkook’s eyes fluttered open, first noticing that you were wrapped in his arms. He smiled slightly, feeling a warm buzz wash over him in your comforting and soothing presence. He let his arm that was holding you tight against him off, both of you naked and only having the sheets cover you.

He got dressed, fixing to make breakfast for you. He still loved Seulgi, but was it possible he was starting to look at you as more than just his best friend?

He tugged on his pants, glancing to you with fondness. You were cute when you were asleep. Jungkook’s hand plunged into his pocket, and he fished out his phone, finding a message from none other than Seulgi.

> can we talk? i miss you. come to my place at 10?

10:00 AM. That was forty minutes away. Jungkook glanced back at you, still peacefully resting.

He got dressed quickly, making you the ten-minute breakfast that you loved of buttered toast and scrambled eggs, using the ingredients from your fridge and leaving it on the table for you, with a side of black coffee that you always seemed to love.

And then he slipped past the door, only to slip into another woman’s arms.

And leaving you alone.


	3. Chapter 3

When you woke up, the other side of the bed was noticeably empty. Jungkook’s clothes that previously littered the floor had seemingly disappeared. The only proof you had of his visit was in the form of hickeys that were scattered across your delicate skin. You quickly got dressed, your chest caving in and your eyes beginning to water.

You walked into the kitchen, surprised to see a plate of toast and scrambled eggs, a small cup of coffee accompanying it. You walked forward, noticing it wasn’t hot anymore, but still had a hint of warmth.

The tears started to escape, the familiar feeling of them cascading down your cheeks giving you a sense of melancholy. He still thought about you, he still cared for you, but it was your fault for letting him play with you. He didn’t know, you couldn’t blame him for playing you this way. You gave your consent, and he didn’t know any better.

You swept the disk of food away, letting it smash to the ground, spilling the contents all over your floor. The tears were cold as they slipped down your cheeks, and you sat down in the chair, body wracking with sobs once again, wishing so desperately he was here with you right now.

But you knew that right now he was already in her arms.

* * *

“I was scared you weren’t going to come,” Seulgi said quietly in lieu of a greeting, a small smile on her face, showing her relief when she opened the door to reveal the man. She stepped aside, welcoming him. “I… I think we need to talk.”

“I agree,” Jungkook says, walking in. “Seulgi, before I say anything else, I want you to know that I love you. Even if you want to end things with me because of the despicable things I’ve done, I do love you. I’m sorry I betrayed your trust.”

“I know,” Seulgi nods. “I know, Jungkook. I needed time to think and cry and… and I talked to Y/N.”

Jungkook gulped. “You did?”

Seulgi nods. “Yeah, I did. She made a point that you really did love me and that you… well you said you were drunk right? And you thought it was me? I thought long and hard about it, and you’re still my boyfriend, and I still love you, and I can accept the fact you made a mistake. I think we can move past this. I at least hope we can.”

Jungkook was shocked and absolutely flabberghasted. “You mean, you’re taking me back?”

Seulgi laughed slightly. “I never let you go.”

Jungkook’s heart sunk, but Seulgi already knew about the fact that he cheated on her. Clearly, she didn’t know that it was with you, and Jungkook wasn’t going to tell. He didn’t want to sabotage your friendship with her when you helped salvage his own relationship.

But he felt elated. He didn’t lose her after all!

Which meant that he technically cheated on her again.

Though in his defense he thought they had broken up. But he didn’t want to tell the truth if it meant hurting you, that was the last thing he wanted.

“I’m glad that I didn’t lose you,” Jungkook smiled, “I’ve been a mess, quite frankly.”

“You’ll never lose me,” Seulgi assured him, “Haven’t I been by your side since the beginning?”

The question didn’t seem fair to answer honestly, and Jungkook didn’t want to screw up more than he already did, so he simply nodded reluctantly, pushing away the other name that popped up in his mind.

Seulgi reached up, her thumb caressing Jungkook’s cheekbone. She gave him a smile, one filled with hope and with promise. “We’re grown adults, Jungkook. We can act mature. We can accept what happened and try to find out where it wrong, and try to fix it.”

He nodded, wanting to believe her, though her tone was laced with something. This wasn’t Seulgi. Seulgi would be screaming her head off, slapping him still or breaking something. She wouldn’t accept this so easily, she’d have left him. The Seulgi he knew didn’t stand for anything less than devotion and loyalty and was never afraid to walk away, as Jungkook knew from the countless times she threatened to break up with him.

But he was grateful. Despite his uneasiness to his girlfriend, he was absolutely ecstatic to know she forgave him. But guilt pooled at the bottom of his stomach, though he tried to suppress it.

Seulgi’s arms curled around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. His lips moved against hers, and something was off again. He should be glad his girlfriend was going easy on him for once, especially since he screwed up so badly. Maybe it was him that was different. Maybe it was because he couldn’t help but think back to when he kissed you instead of her. Maybe his mind was so clouded with confusion he could focus on what he should be celebrating.

He closed his eyes, pressing his lips harder to hers, trying to lock the lips he memorized so long ago. This woman was his everything, she was the one who he wanted to marry, who he was so thankful to have met. Seulgi purred against his lips, enjoying how he was paying attention to her, and locking their lips so passionately.

She pulled back, batting her lashes seductively at her boyfriend. “Want to take this to the bedroom?” she asked in a suggestive manner. “I’ve missed you, baby. It’s been so long since I’ve had your hands on me.”

Jungkook let her take his hand, dragging him away to the bedroom. At once he was pushed to the bed, Seulgi crawling on top of him, eyeing the boy like he was her prey. “Tonight isn’t about you,” Seulgi reminded him softly. “You need to make it up to me.”

Jungkook nodded, letting Seulgi have her way with him as she slipped her panties down her legs, climbing on top of Jungkook until she hovered over his face, and her skirt billowed around his head. Jungkook was quick to please her, immediately attaching his lips to her nub, sucking tentatively. Seulgi hummed above him, grinding against him slightly.

His tongue ventured through her folds, lapping up the wet juices and hearing the barely audible moans and mewls the woman elicited above him. He kept going, applying more pressure against her clit, letting her grind on his face with each small pant she let out.

Her hips rotated over his face, and he let her, and soon enough she was practically humping his face, spreading her sticky fluids over his mouth and cheeks. He let his hands grip her hips to keep her steady as she planted her hands firmly on the bed, keeping herself stable as she reached her climax, and Jungkook felt how her legs shook on either side of his face.

She climbed off of him, breathy as she collapsed next to him, gathering her breath. “Fuck, Jungkook,” she whispered out. “You always do so well, you know that?”

Jungkook’s heart pushed away the dread and instead swelled with pride, and Seulgi’s grin widened. She sat up, reaching over to unzip his pants, a sly look in her eye. “C'mon, let’s get to the main event, hm?” she asks him.

He wordlessly lowered his pants and boxers to pool around his knees, and Seulgi climbed on top of him, taking hold of his listening cock, already covered in beads of precum, and lowering down on him. She moaned out at the feeling, and Jungkook hissed out. His heart was racing, and he couldn’t believe what was happening. And so quickly, too.

His mind flashed to you writhing beneath him.

God, he needed to get you out of his head! What was happening to him? You were his best friend, he shouldn’t be thinking of you like that! Not here, not with his girlfriend. What was wrong with him?

Seulgi started to grind her hips against his, quickly lowering herself down to peck his lips, before she began to ride him. She lowered herself repeatedly, not letting him slip out of her, and he relished in the way his member pulsed and brushed against her walls. Jungkook let out a low groan, and Seulgi rotated her hips, circling them around.

This was wrong, this was wrong, this was wrong, Jungkook reminded himself. Something was off. Either him or Seulgi. He bet himself this time. You wouldn’t leave his mind, and guilt pooled in his stomach being with Seulgi. He wasn’t being completely honest, but he didn’t want to hurt you by unleashing whatever horrors Seulgi would unleash if she found out you also betrayed her.

“Was her pussy as good as mine?” Seulgi asks in a sultry voice.

Jungkook’s eyes widened, and he was utterly baffled. Why was she bringing that up now? When they were supposed to be making love? Sure, it didn’t really feel so much like a connection the other times they had sex, but it was broken temporarily, right? But why was she bringing this up at this moment?

Seulgi raised her hips, slamming her hips back against his. “Did she fuck as good as I did? Was she as tight or as wet as I am now? Could she fuck you the way I could?”

Jungkook didn’t know what to say. Did you fuck like her? No, you fucked in your own way. You were more so submissive and willing to give him pleasure, while Seulgi was only concerned for her own. Were you as tight? Or as wet? Okay, so maybe Jungkook couldn’t exactly compare that, and he was definitely unsure about it.

“Jungkook,” Seulgi snapped, stopping her ministrations. “Why the fuck aren’t you answering?”

“I-I,” Jungkook stammered. The guilt. It was bubbling up, and he couldn’t compress it. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t. His conscience was beating him over the head with a hammer, and he couldn’t stand himself. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“What?” Seulgi snapped at him. “Don’t be an idiot. What are you going on about this time?”

Jungkook pushed her off where she landed on the bed, sitting up to glare at him in absolute disgust and confusion. He quickly pulled up his pants, tears leaving his eyes. Why did he have to be such a shitty person? Why was he horrible? Why did he have to be this way? He felt sick, absolutely nauseated.

“For fuck’s sake Jungkook, answer me right  _fucking_  now!” Seulgi screamed at him. “I swear to God, I’m your girlfriend! Stop keeping secrets from me and just tell me!”

“I slept with her again last night!” Jungkook blurted, retorting it to her.

Seulgi’s eyes widened, and she jabbed a finger into his chest, causing him to step back. Her eyes were fiery, filled with tears. “I  _knew_  it! I knew you’d do it again, why’d I trust a worthless  _shithead_  like you? Why am I stuck with you of all people? Do you have no morals? No conscience? You cheated on me again and didn’t learn your lesson? I went to your place this morning to see if you were home, to fix things, and you weren’t there! Instead, you were fucking some whore!”

“I thought we were done for!” Jungkook countered, hot tears cascading down his cheeks as he looked at her angry form. “I thought you dumped me, I thought we broke up. I didn’t know, I didn’t know we were still together. You left and I was trying to accept the fact!”

“So you go around and fuck some random slut the minute you think I’m out of the picture?” Seulgi sneered.

“She isn’t a slut!” Jungkook seethed, defending you.

Seulgi raised a brow. “Who is she, Jungkook?”

His face paled, his eyes wide as he took a step back. “She’s no one, that’s all that matters.”

“No, you like her don’t you?” Seulgi cried out. “Love her? Is that why you had to cram your dick in her once I went on vacation? I’ve been nothing but faithful to you, and you’re around falling for another girl when you have a girlfriend. How pathetic are you?”

Jungkook felt a pang in his chest with each blow she made. “No. Seulgi, I love you, I just-”

“Who is she?” Seulgi snapped.

“I can’t tell you,” Jungkook whispered, his voice soft and broken.

Seulgi raised her hand, letting it collide with his cheek as his head swung to the other side, a  _smack_  sound ringing throughout the room. It didn’t stop there, though. She back-handed him this time, her knuckles partially digging into his cheekbone as he was forced to look the other way again. There was silence between the two, and Jungkook raised his hand to feel the reddening skin that stung. He was sure at least one of his cheeks would have a bruise.

I knew it, Jungkook thought to himself. She wasn’t planning to let him off the hook. This was the Seulgi he was more so used to. His eyes met hers, tears continuing to leave his own like before, and her own eyes watering, though she kept them glaring at him.

“You know I don’t like having to do that,” Seulgi whispered. “But I’ll do what I must to keep what’s mine. Unless you want me to slap you again, I suggest you answer the question. I’ve suffered enough, Jungkook.”

His eyes lowered, and he mentally apologized to you in his head. He knew he had no choice this time though. “Y/N.”

Seulgi’s eyes widened, and her face fell from the harshness to one of utter shock. “What?” she breathed out.

“It was Y/N,” Jungkook repeated. “She was the only one I could turn to.”

At that moment, Seulgi grabbed onto his ear, yanking on it and bringing him closer to her. She pinched at it, making him wince as she began yelling in his ear.

“You mean to tell me my  _best_  friend has been fucking  _my_  boyfriend behind my back?!” she yelled at the top of her lungs, directly in his ear. For a second he thought he was going to go deaf. “You didn’t even  _think_ to tell me it was her? Meanwhile, that little  _skank_  has been talking to me, lying to my face, and trying to get me back with you? That a little  _bitch_!”

She let go of his ear, pushing him away and holding out her hand. “Give me your phone,” she commanded, her voice steely.

Jungkook knew the drill and dropped the phone in her hand, and she immediately opened it and started going through it.

“What’re you going to do?” Jungkook asked, his voice broken and barely audible, like a kid who had just been scolded.

“Marking what’s mine,” Seulgi grumbled, finishing her typing and placing the phone on her nightstand. “You’re mine, and mine alone, do I make myself clear?”

Jungkook flinched slightly. “Yes, you do.”

“You’re forbidden from speaking to Y/N,” Seulgi narrowed her eyes. “I’m not letting her take what’s mine a second time. And there’s no way in hell she’ll have you. Am I understood?”

“Yes,” Jungkook sighed.

“This stays with me,” Seulgi gestured to the phone.

Jungkook nodded in response, looking down.

Seulgi glanced over to him in sympathy, turning to him and brushing his cheek with her hand. “Alright, let’s get some ice for your cheek so that it doesn’t bruise, okay?” she asked, pecking him on the cheek. “I’ll make you some of your favorite tea, and then we can watch that movie you like so much. What is it, Iron Man? With the pew pew and everything?”

And there it was. The other Seulgi might’ve been the one he knew, but this was the one he loved. The one who showed affection and sympathy, who made jokes and tried to indulge in his interests. This is what had him running back every time. This was the sweet Seulgi who was there whenever Jungkook wasn’t screwing something up like usual. This was the one he kept wanting to propose to.

Seulgi kissed his hand softly, smiling up at him. This was the one he loved. His princess.

And it seemed once again, at last after the tormented thoughts that caused him to blurt out an unspeakable secret, you had once again disappeared from his mind.

* * *

Your forehead was pressed against the hard, cold, and unforgiving floor of your apartment. Your fist weakly beat against the floor, though you felt so weak and you were crying so much you could barely feel anything in your hands and fingers. It was just cold.

You stared at the glowing screen, though you could barely read what it said through your blurry vision, and you desperately wiped away the tears so that you could glimpse once again at Jungkook’s text. You could barely hold the phone, you were crying so hard.

> thank you so much for sending her back to me! you really are the best friend ever. me and seulgi are back together and i have to thank you for it all! :)

That. He went back, and it was because of you that they were together again. Just like in the beginning. Even after you let him use you, though it was with consent, he ran right back. You were the second choice, you were the one he left. And what were you now? The side chick? You’d keep having to tip toe around Seulgi to become a sickening side dish for the boy you were in love with?

You couldn’t live like this. You couldn’t keep hurting yourself because a man who you so desperately loved didn’t love you back. But in your mind, you deserved it.

In your mind, you deserved all the Hell that was being thrown your way.

* * *

It was a normal day. The same mask worn, the same lies told, and the same tears shed. Jungkook hadn’t contacted you in a week. He didn’t go to your door, he didn’t call or text you, nothing. You knew what it meant. He chose Seulgi over you and felt too weird to so much as be talking to you, especially after everything went down.

It was odd, though, that here Seulgi sat, and she didn’t speak one word about Jungkook. In fact, she didn’t seem to so much as acknowledge the fact she got back together with her boyfriend. And here she was, having a normal conversation with you here as you two ate the sandwiches you made earlier.

“Honestly, though, it was a really good sale,” Seulgi murmured.

“Hm?” you said. You were distracted, thinking too much of Jungkook to be paying attention to the actual topic.

Seulgi smirked, nudging you playfully. “Seriously, Y/N, am I that boring?”

You pulled up the usual smile that didn’t reach your eyes, though revealed your pearly whites. “No, no of course not. My mind was on other things, that’s all.”

“What other things?” Seulgi grinned, quirking a brow.

“Stuff that would bore you, I’m sure,” you said dismissively.

“Oh, come now, I highly doubt that,” Seulgi shrugged. “What was it? Politics? Food? Shopping?”

“I can’t afford to go shopping when I’ve still got student loans to pay,” you scoffed. “I’m not rich like you.”

Seulgi scoffed. “I’m not rich! You’re exaggerating.”

“Sure,” you laughed. You had known Seulgi since you could walk, and she was definitely what some would define as rich.

“Well, what was your mind on, I’m still curious. School? Work?” Seulgi paused. “My boyfriend’s dick, perhaps?”

Your face paled, and you looked at her in mock confusion. “What?”

She rolled her eyes, grinning as she bonked her head. “Oh, yeah, forgot. You were actually  _on_ She rolled her eyes, grinning as she bonked her head. "Oh, yeah, forgot. You were actually on that.”

Your jaw fell open, and you were wide-eyed. “Seulgi-”

“Don’t deny it, Jungkook told me when he came running back,” Seulgi interrupted. “I can’t believe I was friends with such a snake.”

“For goodness sake, Seulgi, I was planning to tell you!” you protested.

“Sure you were,” Seulgi rolled her eyes. “Perhaps once you were done using him like a tissue just to throw him in the trash.”

“He’s my best friend, Seulgi, and so are you! I wouldn’t use either of you,” you said. “Look, what happened was an accident. He thought I was you, and things escalated and we were drunk and had no control over ourselves.”

“And what about the second time, huh?” Seulgi countered. “The night before me and him got back together?”

Your throat tightened. “He was heartbroken and he kept insisting you were done with him. He asked for my help. Neither of us was in the right mind.”

“So you think that’s an excuse to lie to my face and keep a secret from me?” Seulgi snapped at you. “You’re my best friend, and you slept with my boyfriend! How fucked up  _are_  you?”

There was a lump in your throat and your eyes were getting watery. “I’m so sorry, Seulgi, it was an accident I swear-”

“Save it for someone who will believe your lies,” Seulgi spat. “Because I’m through with you. You just wanted to get Jungkook to make me jealous, to have something I did because you couldn’t stand the thought I’m loved and you’re not, huh?”

There was a pang in your heart. “It’s not like that and you know it,” you growled lowly. “I tried to get you guys back together because I felt so guilty about everything! If I wanted him for myself, wouldn’t I just tell him to forget about you since the damage is done?”

“I don’t have to listen to your excuses,” Seulgi snapped, standing up and throwing her food to the floor. “You’re a jealous, pathetic snake who only thinks of herself and tries to steal your own best friend’s boyfriend because you can’t deal with your own sad, depressing life because you and I both know the most you’ll ever be is a sloppy second!”

Your eyes watered, hot tears starting to roll down your cheeks. You couldn’t fight back. It stung too much, and it ran too deep.

Seulgi showed no sign of remorse, standing her ground as she looked you in the eye.

“Why’d you do it?” she asked. “Why did you sleep with him? And don’t give me that drunk bullshit, I wasn’t born yesterday. Why would you agree to sleep with him a second time? Why would you be on his side this entire way through and not mine, your own goddamn best friend? Hm?”

You were quiet, looking to the floor.

“Answer me!” Seulgi spat angrily.

More tears were rolling down your cheeks, and the lump in your throat only seemed to get bigger by the second.

“You don’t even have a reason, do you? You were that desperate to undermine me, huh?” Seulgi asked. “Because you-”

“BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!” you shouted out at her, tears cascading down in hot, fat teardrops that fell to the floor in an instant. Your voice sounded hoarse and cracked, but it rang with truth. “Because I’m in love with him,” you whispered quietly, finally letting yourself own up to one of your greatest sins of all. Loving a boy.

Seulgi was stunned, watching as you shook your head in disbelief of your own words.

She quickly grabbed her stuff and the last thing that she said before she left was, “He’s mine, not yours. So keep your hands off what doesn’t belong to you, and never will.” Shortly after she slammed the door shut, leaving you to wallow inyour own misery.

* * *

Breakups are harsh.

Friendship breakups were frankly worse.

And here you were, alone, and both of your best friends ditching you.

Jungkook drifted off, no explanation as to why he didn’t want to see you anymore and leaving you to have your own assumptions. At least for romantic relationships, the breakup comes with closure, and you know exactly why things ended the way they did.

But with Seulgi, it was as though you preferred the other option. It ended in flames, with fierceness and fire, until you were too broken and cowardly to fight anymore. Shot after shot she took to you, and you were unable to retort back.

She was right.

You slept with her boyfriend, breaking the ultimate girl code. You alone seduced him to cause all of this madness, and now both of the people dearest to you had left you alone to perish, deeming you unworthy of their companionship or love.

And now you saw yourself that way, more than any other time.

You didn’t deserve romance or friendship. You were a pathetic slut that spent her time pining after a high school crush, who convinced herself fate was out to get her and got in the way of others’ love.

They probably had the perfect romance had you not destroyed everything. They seemed so perfect together, and yet you had to screw everything up.

Almost.

You couldn’t even do one thing right.

And you cried until you ran out of tears, drinking the last of your bitter black coffee as you spent the rest of the night tormented with your own thoughts, kept awake by the fear of seeing their faces in your dreams and the cursed caffeine you used to call your savior.


	4. Chapter 4

Jungkook needed to talk to you.

What had it been, ten days? No, definitely more. But Jungkook couldn’t just go on for weeks and weeks without contacting you. You’d think he hated you. You’d be mad at him, and Jungkook couldn’t stand the thought of you hating him. He knew he was forbidden from speaking with you, but you were his best friend. His mind was still muddled when it came to you, and it wasn’t like he could simply leave you all on your own to think that he simply ditched you.

But what about Seulgi?

He didn’t want her to get mad at him again. Besides, she kept such a close eye on his phone, checking it constantly when he wasn’t out, reloading especially the messages towards you. Whenever she was at his place, which was often nowadays, she’d keep his phone close. And at night, she’d keep it under her pillow, or take it home with her. She pointed out if it were something important, she’d find a way to tell him.

But he desperately wanted- no, needed- to see you again. You were his dearest friend and at that point, as scared as he was of Seulgi’s wrath and of upsetting her, you were his priority. You didn’t deserve to go through weeks of plain neglect, and this was the longest he had gone without contacting you.

So while Seulgi was in the shower, Jungkook carefully snuck into the bathroom, retrieving his phone as Seulgi was busy and texting you immediately the time to go to his place when he knew Seulgi would be in class. He quickly deleted the message, placing it back where it was, and closed the door as quietly as he could.

In order to not spill his guts like he’s done the previous two times, he simply kept his mouth shut, curling his fists so hard that his knuckles turned white and his nails dug into his palm, drawing blood.

Shockingly enough, it seemed to work. He didn’t blurt out the truth, and he kept the secret contained.

He could lie. The thought made him giddy, and it meant he could have your continuing friendship with him kept secret, and not worry about blabbing to Seulgi for once.

Now to wait and see if you’d come.

* * *

You were surprised, to say the least when you saw a message from Jungkook pop up on your lock screen. You simply assumed Seulgi had already told him your secret, and he was too uncomfortable to even be around you. You felt like a hollow shell, wandering aimlessly about your day, from class to class, and to your job, simply going about for the past two weeks.

Seulgi still texted you, weirdly enough. She pretended as though everything was normal. She’d tag you in Instagram posts and still continued your streaks on Snapchat, as though she didn’t know you slept with her boyfriend or the fact she basically called you the most horrible names the other day.

But that was Seulgi. On the rare days you guys got into fights, she’d simply pretend as though it never happened afterward, and it was as though your mutual friendship was back on play. No way she’d let it evaporate with a few pew pews of harsh words.

You had been quite busy this day in particular, getting back from class, running errands, trying to distract yourself from the spiral you were spinning into. It wasn’t until you finally were able to check your phone that you saw Jungkook had texted you hours ago, asking to meet up at a specific time.

That meant you had about fifteen minutes to get to his place now.

You sighed to yourself, preparing for more grief that accompanied your latest encounters with the boy, and quickly went on your way, texting him.

> Is something wrong?

> Why do you want to see me?

> On my way.

You huffed to yourself, driving on until you were finally at his place. Once you made your way to his apartment, you knocked on the door, confused as to see why he would need to see you. The door opened, Jungkook’s eyes giving a slightly fearful expression, but once he saw you the galaxy-eyes were filled with relief, and he immediately wrapped you in a hug.

“Y/N! I thought you wouldn’t come,” Jungkook says, burying his face in your shoulder.

You rubbed his back, your chest caving in as you thought of Seulgi’s words and what you did. “Of course I did, is everything okay?”

Jungkook pauses. “Everything’s fine. I mean, well, except I haven’t gotten to see you. I’m sorry, I told Seulgi.”

You sucked in a breath. “I know. She came over a few days ago and… confronted me.”

Jungkook pulled away, his face pale. “I’m so, so sorry. I blurted it out, and the guilt was eating me alive, and it just spilled out. I promise I didn’t mean to, I didn’t want her to know, I didn’t want to break your friendship with her- or me for that matter- and I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

“I understand, Jungkook,” you sighed. “You were always an awful liar, you know.”

Jungkook gives you a solemn look, and you could tell he felt absolutely horrible. “Do you hate me?”

Your chest caved in again, and you felt your heart splintering. How could this boy ever think you hated him? When you gave your heart and soul to him? When you loved him for five years and never let anyone else replace him? Your best friend? Your love? “How could you possibly think that? You know it’s the opposite. I thought you hated me because you haven’t been contacting me for so long…”

“No, it wasn’t my choice,” Jungkook corrects you. “I could never hate you, Y/N, you’re the world to me. Seulgi just… ever since she found out, she doesn’t want you and me to…”

He didn’t need to finish the sentence, and you nodded. “Yeah, I know. Wait, but what are we doing here if she doesn’t want us speaking to each other? Jungkook, if she finds out she’ll be furious with me.”

“I’m not going to let go of you Y/N,” Jungkook says. “Not now, not ever. Don’t worry, she won’t find out. I made sure once I texted you, and she’s in class right now. Her school’s like, half an hour away anyways. We have time. I don’t get to hang out with you often as it is anyways, so we should enjoy our time together.”

You were touched, and it still found a way to make your heart crumble. He was hiding you from her because he sincerely didn’t want to lose you. You nodded, knowing you’d see him scarcely now, having to tiptoe around your friend in order to spend time with the man you loved. “I understand,” you said meekly.

The selfish side of you wondered If only he could leave her. But you knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t choose, and he probably never will. This was his way of keeping both of you, hiding you as though you were a side chick, and behind your best friend’s back nonetheless. He couldn’t leave her, and he couldn’t let you leave.

“Come in,” Jungkook says, opening the door. You follow him inside, soaking in the atmosphere of his home. You spotted a few items of Seulgi’s, let it be a piece of jewelry or some other article, and it pained you to know that even when she wasn’t there, her presence was.

“How’d she handle it?” you asked. “When you told her it was me.”

“She was hurt,” Jungkook admitted blatantly. “And… she was betrayed, in a sense.”

You nodded, knowing what he meant. “I’m so sorry, again. It’s all my fault.”

“No, it’s not,” Jungkook counters. “It’s mine. I’m the one who cheated. It was a mistake, all of this was a mistake. You’re my best friend and that’s all you’ll ever be because I love Seulgi, and I just made a stupid mistake by using you to hurt her. I was stupid, and I’m sorry I ever did it. It won’t happen again, and we’re all in the healing process.”

You knew he didn’t mean it that way, in the way that stung and made your throat swell. From how his fist clenched hard though, you could tell he was upset with what he was trying to say. His knuckles were white, and his nails were digging so harshly into his palm as his voice strained. Your eyes widened, and you took his hand in yours, shocked to see bloody crescents, old blood dried with new.

“What’re you doing?” you gasped. “Jungkook, that has to hurt. What’s going through your mind that you’re doing this to yourself?”

Jungkook retracted his hand, looking down at his palm. “It’s… it’s a trick I learned. It helps me, distracts me in a way…”

You shook your head. “Let’s get you some bandages. I don’t know how this does much good, though.”

You got the first aid kit, getting some bandages and something to clean the wounds. You wiped off the blood until it was clean, making sure to clean it a bit more with some sterilizers. Gently, you wrapped the bandage around his hand, making sure it was completely covered. “Don’t hurt yourself, okay?” you requested. “I don’t like seeing you hurt.”

Jungkook’s other hand went up to brush one of his cheeks, and he looked at you with tenderness. “I… thank you.”

“No problem,” you smiled. “After all, you probably would forget to even clean the wound if you took care of it yourself.”

He grinned as well, and you felt butterflies flutter in your stomach, your heart beating quickly.

“Y/N, I think there’s something I should tell you,” Jungkook begins. “And, Seulgi will be mad, trust me, but even she doesn’t know this. But I think you have a right to know.”

Your eyes were wide. What was he going to tell you? Something that would make her mad? That was never a good sign. “What is it?”

“Ever since that night-” Jungkook begins.

Suddenly, the doorknob rattles and both of your eyes widen. Seulgi.  _Shit_. Jungkook looks to you and quickly grabs your arm, running as he dragged you behind him. Suddenly you both were in his bedroom, and he yanked open the closet door, pushing you in. “Stay here,” he whispers, eyes wide with fear as he closed it.

The closet was the type that had shutter-like blinds, where you could see in between the cracks. Wow, of all the moments in your life, this had to be the most side-chick moment of them all. You were literally being hidden in the closet. Fuck your life.

Jungkook sat on the bed, and you watched as he quickly undid the bandages on his hand, clenching his fist tightly and hiding it behind his back. What was the point of bandaging it if he was just going to undo it?

In stomped Seulgi, and you saw as she shoved her phone in Jungkook’s face, her eyes narrowing.

“What’s this? Were you planning to cheat on me again? Is that it? You were planning to go fuck Y/N while I was in class, huh? You fucking scumbag!” Seulgi screamed at him, narrowing her eyes. She struck him, and you slapped your hand to your mouth as you saw his head swing to the other side, the sound ringing throughout the room. “Did your pea-sized brain forget I have your fucking cell phone? Because I knew you’d try to get with your little side piece? She even texted saying she was coming over, where the fuck is she?!”

“She isn’t here,” Jungkook says, his eyes wide with fear as he looked to her. “I didn’t try to hook up with her. I didn’t text her, Seulgi, you’ve had my phone for the past few weeks, how could I?”

Millions of questions were running through your head, but you didn’t know what to do. What could you do? Pop out of the closet and make things worse? Why was Seulgi being so violent? She wasn’t even violent to you, in all the years you knew her, why was she to him? You never knew this side, neither told you. They always seemed head over heels for each other each time you saw them together like nothing could go wrong until you fucked everything up. Why was she slapping him? Why was he taking it? Why did she have his phone? Did that mean your texts went directly to her instead when you said she was coming over? And that’s how she found out? Is that why she’s here instead of class?

You couldn’t breathe. You were holding your breath, your hand over your mouth as you made out what was happening between the cracks of the door. This was fucked up, this was fucked up, how could you not know? This was terrifying in every aspect, what was happening?

“So you didn’t hook up with her?” Seulgi narrowed her eyes, licking her lips as she stared at Jungkook in suspicion. “She just happened to text you this… and she isn’t here?”

“No,” Jungkook insisted. “I swear, I haven’t hooked up with her. I’ve done everything you asked, I haven’t seen her since.”

You swear you saw the tiniest hint of blood at his fingers.

Seulgi let out a sigh of relief, cooing to him as she rubbed his cheek affectionately. “Oh, thank God. I’m sorry I overreacted, she just won’t leave you alone, I’m so sorry. I swear, I’ll talk to her and make her stop this madness. It’s not really healthy having her around admittedly… everything really started going wrong once she seduced and took advantage of you when you were drunk. I’m sorry I slapped you, but you know why I was worried. I guess I’m just paranoid these days.”

“It’s understandable,” Jungkook says. “I know. It’s fine, I get it. Don’t worry, baby.”

Seulgi pouts. “Why don’t you call me princess anymore?”

Princess. That’s what he used to call Seulgi all the time. That’s what he called you when the both of you slept together for the first time. He didn’t call her that anymore?

“Slipped my mind,” Jungkook meekly said. “Sorry, princess.”

Seulgi purred. “That’s better.” She pulled him in, and you cringed, squeezing your eyes shut as you heard her lips smack against his, a pleasant hum coming from the woman. This was fucked up, this was  _so_ fucked up. She slapped him just a minute ago and now she was kissing him? Your stomach twisted, peeking once again at the vision that shone between the blinds.

Seulgi trailed her finger down his chest, stopping right at the band of his sweatpants. “I’ve been so hard on you lately, and you’ve been good. I know I’ve never done, nor offered this before, but you’ve earned it… I should make it up to you this time. It’s the first time I’ve done this, but would you like me to try?”

Was she suggesting what you thought she was suggesting? Did she never give head before? Was she that selfish in bed, after dating him for three years? Wait, were you going to have to stay here and  _watch_?!

“Y-Yeah.”

Oh fuck.

You squeezed your eyes shut, curling up into a ball as you silently prayed to get out. You heard the sound of his sweatpants sliding down his pants. You peek, seeing Seulgi on her knees before Jungkook, his sweatpants hanging around his knees, and his cock hardening in her hand.

You wanted to shut your eyes again, regretting ever opening them, but you were enraptured by the vision that fit between the gaps of the shutters. You couldn’t let your eyes leave, watching as her hand moved up and down his length, his cock getting more flushed and harder with each pump.

She did it differently from you. Typically you’d give hand jobs while brushing your thumb over the slit each time the hand reached the tip, also fondling his balls for extra measure. But it was fucked that you were actually comparing this shit. Besides, she admitted she was inexperienced.

Jungkook squeezed his hand into a tight ball, and you noticed how he wiped any blood stains onto his shirt. He bit his lip lowly, staring down as Seulgi looked him in the eye, and you knew for a fact she probably had a smug grin on her face. Her hand continued to bob up and down his length, and Jungkook let out a low hiss in approval.

Hesitantly, Seulgi attached her lips to the tip, licking it to taste out the flavor. You noticed the slight grimace she made, but reattached her lips to the side of the shaft, licking up and down the sides as she held it in place.

You squeezed your eyes shut, clamping both hands over your mouth as you heard Jungkook give a low hum of approval. This was fucked up, you were watching her first blowjob! Your childhood best friend, blowing the boy you loved, and you secretly viewing everything! You heard how she slurped along the side of his shaft, and the low groans elicited from his throat in encouragement. You grimaced, breathing through your nose and trying to stay quiet.

You opened your eyes, seeing her with her mouth open, playing with the tip in her mouth and lapping at it, licking it as it twirled around the tip of her tongue, all the while her hand continuing to move up and down his shaft. It traveled from base to the tip, and it was trying to milk him for all he was worth. Slowly, she lowered her lips to trap around the tip, sucking softly and making audible slurping noises that made you want to gag. She sunk a little lower, trapping the entire head in her mouth, and Jungkook groaned in response.

You squeezed your eyes shut, but the sounds were taunting you. You heard her moan around his cock, her lips continuing to slurp around the tip and lap at the pearls of pre-cum that formed around it. The low groans that Jungkook let out, plus the small giggles Seulgi would give every time she came up for air, was like torture for you.

Minutes had passed, and it only continued. You heard her sucking vigorously at this point, occasionally going to the sides to lick along his cock, before wrapping her lips around the tip. The boy was groaning, and soon enough you heard how his breathing was becoming heavy, hard pants escaping his mouth as Seulgi’s hand continued to thwap against his dick, slamming up and down and trying to milk him for all he was worth.

You opened your eyes, seeing some of the cum shoot off of his dick and onto her face, more shooting out to coat her skin. She winced, squeezing her eyes shut as he continued, and you couldn’t breathe at all. Jungkook let out a low groan, and his eyes flickered to the door, and he elicited a gasp, “Y/N!”

Your eyes turned into saucers, and so did Seulgi’s, as she looked at him with wide eyes and stepped back. “Did you seriously just moan her fucking name just now?”

Jungkook looked at her with wide eyes, his gaze avoiding the door, and the rest of his cum dripped down his cock and dropped to pool at the floor. Seulgi wiped her face in disgust, getting the milky white fluid off of her as she glared at the boy.

“ANSWER ME, SHITHEAD!” she screamed out, raising her arm. You panicked, holding your arms over your head as you ducked your head between your knees, silently praying for it to be over as you heard the loud smack ring throughout. But that wasn’t it. She slapped him again and again, the hits each being louder and harder than the last. “You just fucking moaned another girl’s name mid-orgasm, and it had to be the one you cheated on me with! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I’m sorry-”

Another slap.

“Next time I come here, you’re going to have your shit together, or so help me, you’ll regret it. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes! Yes! Perfectly clear, I’m sorry, it was an accident-”

“I’m done with your excuses. Listen asshole, that’s the douchiest thing you can do,” Seulgi grumbled. 

“What can I do to make it up to you?” His voice was soft, and tears were escaping your eyes as you heard him. He sounded so weak, so broken. This was horrible in so many ways.

“Admit you’re a fucking idiot.”

“I’m an idiot.”

“That’s still not enough.” You winced at the sound of her planting her palm at the back of her head. “I’m leaving. I’ll be back tomorrow, and by that time you’d better have any thoughts of Y/N  _gone_ , am I understood?”

“Yes.”

You heard the sound of grumbling, and footsteps stomping away, and you stared between the cracks of the door, perfectly still. Finally, you heard the door slam shut, but Jungkook’s figure was absolutely still, sitting on the bed as he stared blankly at the floor. After a few seconds, he hitched up his pants, walking towards the door. He opened it slowly, revealing you curled into a ball, trembling.

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” Jungkook whispers, avoiding your gaze. His cheeks were blazing red already, and his eyes were filled with tears instead of stars.

“Does that happen often?” you whisper softly. “Does she slap you often? H-How long has this been going on?”

“It only happens when she’s upset. Which has been happening more often nowadays. But it’s been something that’s… it’s happened since… a long time,” Jungkook admits.

“Jungkook,” you pleaded. “Jungkook listen to me, you don’t deserve this, this isn’t right. She’s abusing you, that’s straight up abuse! She’s hitting you and demeaning you and disrespecting you, Jungkook! That isn’t okay, why haven’t you gone for help? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jungkook stumbles back, turning around to avoid your gaze in shame. You scramble up, tears in your eyes, and you were shaking with utter shock and fear for the boy you loved. “Jungkook, I don’t want you being hurt, you need to get out of this! God, if I knew… oh, this is all my fault, I’ve been making her mad, I texted thinking it was you, and I’m the one who introduced you to her in the first place! Jungkook, I’m so, so sorry, I’m a horrible person. But you can’t live like this! You wanted to marry Seulgi, and-and-”

“Y/N, I can’t leave her,” Jungkook says, staring up at you. “I love her.”

“That’s not love!” you counter, throat swelling. You couldn’t believe this. Nothing seemed real anymore, it didn’t seem like reality. “Love isn’t about slapping someone silly until they bend to your will! Love is caring deeply for someone that you don’t want them to get hurt and you’re willing to do anything for them, where you feel happy with them and they make you feel like a better version of yourself because they see you as a better person than you possibly could yourself! That. Isn’t. Love! Jungkook, why didn’t you tell me?”

“What was I supposed to do? Ruin your image of your best friend? Go to the police? They wouldn’t believe me. What, with my muscles and all, and me bein a man, they’d simply call me a pussy or a wimp. No one would believe me. Besides that, I don’t want to, I love Seulgi,” Jungkook protests. “She can change. Besides, if you can’t stay with someone at their worst, you don’t deserve them at their best.”

“Her worst is hitting you!” you argue. “That’s not something you should stay for. That’s not what love is, that’s not healthy!”

“She stayed with me through cheating,” Jungkook says. “She’s still with me and she didn’t leave because of it. Besides, you’re still with her, you’re still her friend. Why? Why should I leave if you’re not leaving her, huh?”

“Because she’s actually hurting you!” you snapped. “My situation’s different. I’ve been friends with her since we were toddlers, I’ve been with her through everything, from her lowest to her highest, and I can’t just leave over a few words being thrown. I’m the one who did wrong friendship wise, but I’m obligated to stay since I can’t throw away over a decade of friendship because of a few nasty words she might say! I’m used to it, but you’re in what’s supposed to be a loving relationship, and she’s actually hurting you both mentally and physically! You’ve been with her for three years, and while you might’ve cheated, apparently she’s been abusing you for, what, years? That isn’t okay, you shouldn’t be manipulated by her!”

“And what, make her madder? Y/N, are you nuts? There’s no way out for me, face it. I love her too much to get her in trouble, and she won’t let me leave, she’d do awful things I’m sure. Worse than slapping at least. Not to mention the fact that she’s the only person who ever really loved me. Am I supposed to just stay alone and give up on my shot for helping someone, for being too cowardly and too weak to put up with them and help them get to a better place?” Jungkook questions. “I deserve this, Y/N. I cheated.”

“I’ve done far worse things to her than you have,” you whisper. “And not once did she lay a finger on me. How can you say no one will love you? God, I love you Jungkook.”

“As a friend,” the boy muttered. “That’s different. You only see me as a friend.”

Your heart shattered. How could he be this blind? How could he not see how madly in love with him you were, when you were right there with him? “Jungkook, for God’s sake, this isn’t healthy. For you or her! She’s feeding off of putting you down, and you’re getting hurt. Neither of you seem happy in this relationship, and she’s manipulating and warping your mind so much. You deserve the world, Jungkook, I can’t just stand by and watch you get hurt!”

“Y/N, just drop it,” Jungkook whispers.

“Drop it?” you seeth. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard! I can’t drop something like this. You’re my best friend, and so is she. You’re not obligated to stay with her, you aren’t in debt to her, the wrongs you’ve done aren’t nearly as bad as this for you to put up with it.”

“Maybe you could wait until she lets go,” Jungkook counters. “I’m sure everyone wants to be done with me eventually since I’ve been an idiot this whole time.”

You were utterly flabberghasted. “God, what has she done to you? You’re not an idiot! You’re the most amazing human being I know who’s having trouble loving himself because his own mind is being twisted against him.”

“And what about you?” he spat. “You blame yourself for everything, I notice. You think I’m blind, but I’m not. You seem to hate yourself too, which I never got. You seem to place all the blame of even other people’s problems on your own shoulders and you push everyone away and don’t spill a word about it! I’ve tried to have you open up but you never do, and even now you’re blaming the slapping and such on yourself because you introduced us to each other?”

“It’s true! What else am I supposed to do? I’m the one to blame, I’m the catalyst, there’s no other way around it,” you fired back. “Seulgi knows it, even you know it. And I’ve known it for so long, but there is one thing that changed. I used to believe that if I left you guys would live in perfect harmony and forget about me, but if your relationship with her has been this toxic since before the cheating, get out! I don’t want you to get hurt, Jungkook, don’t you understand.”

“Y/N,” Jungkook sighs.

“You’re not listening!” you protest. “Let me help you, please-”

“You’ve helped enough,” Jungkook interrupts.

You feel as though you’re about the shrink, and Jungkook’s eyes go wide, and he retracts his statement. “No, no, Y/N, not like that. You’ve got enough on your plate, but this isn’t your problem, alright? This is mine. And I’ve got to deal with it. There’s frankly nothing you can do about it, except wait for it to pass.”

“It won’t pass,” you say quietly. “She’ll never let go of you. You know that. How can you stay with her?”

“There’s good in everyone,” Jungkook tries to explain. “I mean, Seulgi has her moments. She’s loyal, she’s trying, it’s just harder to see for you now that you’ve seen her worst…”

“I don’t care what her best moments are,” you say. “I hate her for what she’s doing to you.”

Jungkook’s eyes soften. “Y/N, you don’t mean that.”

“I do!” you say. “God, you can walk out. Just let me help you, maybe I could talk to her, or we could gather proof and such. You’ve got proof from how she’s hit you, and then they’d know that you’re telling the truth.”

Jungkook shakes his head. “I told you already, I’m not getting her in trouble.”

“And let her walk away with what she’s done?” you shriek. “Look at you! Your cheeks are red and are getting swollen, and your hand! It’s bleeding, why did you take off the bandage? You got blood all over your hand now, why did you squeeze so hard?”

Jungkook looks at his hand, as though finally noticing what he did. “It worked,” he murmured.

“You’re making no sense,” you shake your head. “I’ve got to get you bandaged up again. I don’t like seeing you hurt, Jungkook.”

“Alright,” Jungkook sighed. “I’ll let you bandage it. But I’ll probably undo it again tomorrow.”

You shook your head. “I can’t believe you. I’ll never understand, I swear.” You turn, about to get the supplies when you stare at him again. “Jungkook. At least let me take a picture. I promise I won’t send or show it to anyone or the police, not without your consent. But it is good to gather proof.”

Jungkook waits a moment. “You won’t let this go, will you?”

“Definitely not.”

He sighs. “Fine, one picture. Then we simply bandage my hand.”

You nodded, taking out your cell phone to take a picture, showing how red and swollen his cheeks were getting. It wasn’t much, but it would work for now. You knew that.

“Let’s clean you up,” you sigh, going over to get the supplies.

You swore, you’d help save him somehow. Somehow…

 


	5. Chapter 5

When Seulgi invited you over two days after what you had witnessed, you were quite frankly unsurprised. Undoubtedly she would want to confront you again, perhaps to tell you to back off once again. You didn’t care right now. All you cared about was Jungkook, and while you might be tolerable to Seulgi’s behavior towards you, you didn’t want it to be the same way for Jungkook. He didn’t deserve this, though, after years and years, you were thoroughly convinced that you did.

Of course, the reason you deserved it wasn’t something you thought about often since it was already ingrained in your mind.

And here you both were, sitting at the table in her apartment, and you did your best not to go off on her right then and there for hurting the man you loved. Three years. Three years of letting him be with your best friend, trying to let them be happy because you thought they genuinely had the ideal romance, and they were better off without you. That his love with her would be ten times more spectacular than it could possibly be with you. Only to find out that she had been slapping him silly, and you were too stupid to even notice. You assumed that they were head over heels for each other, but it was twisted beyond your imagination.

You would have never guessed. Jungkook seemed too sweet to hurt, and Seulgi definitely acted in love and utterly whipped when she was around him in public. They seemed to perfect for one another, as though they fit like two pieces of a puzzle, and yet it was so far from the truth.

Before you regretted introducing them to one another because you had to watch the boy you loved for three years be in love with someone else, and you couldn’t do anything about it because you didn’t want either getting hurt. Now you regretted it because Jungkook seemed to think so lowly of himself that he deserved the abuse, and the cheating simply dived him deeper into the dark spiral. You saw how she seemed to reward him, acting sweet after he confirmed that he didn’t sleep with you again, and you knew exactly what she was doing. It was the sweet side, like dangling carrots in front of him to promise that he’d come running back, only to get slapped once again. It was like a never ending cycle, and Jungkook was too scared to leave. Too scared to hurt Seulgi, and too scared he’d get hurt himself if he even dared.

It made your stomach twist, but you knew you couldn’t confront Seulgi about it. She’d punish Jungkook, and you couldn’t bring it to the police. Jungkook wouldn’t let you, and you were too scared of him hating you forever to do anything against his consent. Besides, you didn’t have much proof. Jungkook was right when he said there wouldn’t exactly be much belief.

In abusive relationships, the girl is usually portrayed as the one being abused. Men were supposed to be able to fight back, to be masculine enough not to let anyone stomp on them. They were seen as weak if they let themselves be in that position. Besides, Jungkook was buff and muscular, it’d be hard to believe a girl like Seulgi would slap him around so easily.

But still, you had to try. You loved Jungkook, and you couldn’t simply stand around and pretend this wasn’t happening. And you did your best to keep up the facade around Seulgi, letting her throw her usual backhanded compliments and snide comments your way, and you were surprised that she hadn’t brought up the subject that you were dreading yet.

“You know, I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” Seulgi brings up, her eyes glued to the glowing TV screen instead of being directed to you.

Every time she opened her mouth your gut twisted, and each sharp movement her hand gave you the slight instinct to flinch, though you stayed perfectly still. You wanted nothing more than to scream and yell at her about how she could possibly hurt the most precious boy in the world, tossing him and his feelings around like a rag doll when he was so desperately in love with her.  

“Oh? What is it?” you asked nonchalantly.

Seulgi’s lips pursed slightly, and she gave you a sly side glance. “Did you happen to text my boyfriend, trying to come over, despite what I told you last time we hung out?”

You gave her a look of confusion, though part of you wanted to snap at her. But you couldn’t do that, you know you couldn’t. You were never that girl, and even you knew how fragile she was ever since the past. You were mentally thankful that you had predeleted Jungkook’s text from that night, just in case Seulgi wanted to go through your phone to make sure you two weren’t planning something behind her back. “Oh, I’m surprised you know about that.”

“Of course I do,” she narrows her eyes. “Jungkook tells me everything, you know.”

Not everything. He didn’t tell that you were in the closet, watching the scene unfold. That in a way, he had betrayed her for the third time.

You shrugged. “I was just confused he hadn’t contacted me after so long. We usually contact each other often, so I was worried about him and was about to check up on him. But I changed my mind last minute, figuring that he’d be fine with you if you must know.”

Seulgi didn’t seem completely convinced. “Oh, so you weren’t going to his place, searching for another hookup?”

Your eyes widened, looking at her with alarm. “Seulgi, I would never. You made it clear last time we hung out that those mistakes shouldn’t be repeated. You’re the last person I want to hurt anyways.”

Seulgi smiled. “Good, just making sure. You know you’re my best friend, and I’d hate for us to be split apart because of a guy, even if he is my boyfriend. I just don’t want to lose you, y'know?”

You nodded. “I don’t want to lose you either.” Lying had been second nature to you, unlike how it was for Jungkook. Jungkook typically couldn’t lie or keep secrets, because it seemed as though guilt ate him inside and out. Except for that night where you were in the closet. He kept his trap shut, only blurting out your name as he realized you were still there, watching everything unfold.

But you didn’t want to lose Seulgi. Well, more like you couldn’t leave her. Obligation and guilt would intertwine in a way that had you bonded with Seulgi. In a way, it was similar to Jungkook, how he felt obligated to be with her because she let him, and how his guilt of already betraying her trust kept him in place.

“That’s good to hear,” Seulgi grinned. “But just so we’re clear, you know Jungkook will never like you back, right?”

Her words stung, just as they were intended to. You bit the inside of your cheek, trying not to let the words settle in your mind. “I’ve been aware this entire time, Seulgi.”

She nodded, “I’m just making sure.”

You pressed your lips together, resisting any urge to cry in front of her. Her words hurt as she intended with the less-than-gentle reminder, but you were a master at this point of keeping on a mask to conceal the pain. Unfortunately, this didn’t sit well with Seulgi.

“You remember that boy you told me you were in love with, back in high school?” she asks. “It was Jungkook, wasn’t it?”

You didn’t respond.

“I thought so,” Seulgi murmurs. “I think it’s kind of pathetic though, don’t you? Staying in love with the same man for five years when he has a girlfriend, and when he doesn’t love you back. But don’t worry, I haven’t told him you love him that way, because I’m a good friend.”

“Where’s your Tylenol?” you blurt out.

She furrows her brows. “What?”

“I’ve got a bit of a stomach ache, and I think some medicine would help,” you say. “It’s still behind the mirror where the rest of your medicine is, right?”

“Are you just trying to leave because you don’t want to talk about the fact you’re in love with my boyfriend?” Seulgi narrows her eyes. “I should be more bothered than you, honestly.”

“No, I’m not trying to avoid the subject. I just have a serious belly ache,” you excuse. “So is it still there?”

“Yes, it’s there with the rest of my medicine,” Seulgi grumbled, sighing in disappointment that she couldn’t continue taunting you.

You stood up, murmuring, “Thanks.” Making your way to her bathroom, you went to her mirror, opening the old fashioned piece. Behind it was shelves of medicine, the usual. You already knew where everything was, mainly because you had been here before, but it had been so long since you borrowed medicine or anything of the sort at her apartment you were concerned she might’ve moved the medicine someplace else.

You didn’t really have a stomach ache. Mainly just a headache from being with Seulgi and being so stressed.

You searched through the shelf. Did she misplace the Tylenol? You searched through and noticed the bottle, but something else caught your eye. Your hand came to wrap around a familiar bottle you’ve recognized all the way from childhood…

This was Seulgi’s medicine.

Why was it full? It was unopened. You looked over, flipping it over to see the date when she got it.

It was over two years old, nearly three.

Your eyes were wide, and you frantically searched the other shelves, trying to find a similar bottle. None. And this is where she kept all of her medicine. What? How could she not be taking her medicine for over two years?

You stomped out of the bathroom and went to Seulgi, who paid no attention to your return. “Did you find the Tylenol?” she asked in a bored tone.

“Have you not been taking your medicine for nearly three years?” you asked her.

Her head snapped in your direction, and she turned, her eyes locking with yours. “What are you talking about?”

You held up the bottle and noticed how her eyes became wide with recognition. “Seulgi, you’re supposed to be taking this medicine. You’ve been taking it since you were twelve! Your mom used to even make you take it regularly, doctor’s orders! Why aren’t you taking care of your mental illness? You know what happens!”

It had been years since you two even mentioned the fact that Seulgi had a mental illness. You remembered how her mother would regularly give Seulgi her pills to take, shamelessly handing it to the girl even in front of you. Seulgi didn’t seem to care, it was normal. She had been taking the pills since she was twelve, seeing a psychiatrist since then.

“It’s none of your business,” Seulgi snapped. “I don’t need them anymore, Y/N. You shouldn’t have been snooping through my stuff.”

“Seulgi, BPD isn’t something you can just decide is gone!” you argued. “When’s the last time you’ve even been to the psychiatrist?”

“I canceled the appointments,” she spat. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not!” You were utterly shocked to know she wasn’t taking her medicine. For  _years_  now. “You can’t just stop taking your medicine! For goodness sake, are you crazy? You can’t stop taking these until the psychiatrist says it’s okay to!”

“And my psychiatrist did!” Seulgi sneered. “And it’s none of your business!”

“It is too! And if your psychiatrist did, why do you have an unopened bottle from over two years ago?” you question. “Wait a minute… that’s why you’re acting the way you do, but more… intensified. Oh dear God, how could I have not realized?” Your eyes were wide with comprehension. “Seulgi, do you realize what you’re doing to yourself?!”

“What, are you a doctor now?” she snarled. “You don’t know shit, don’t act like you do.”

“You act as though I didn’t memorize the symptoms and causes when you were diagnosed,” you shake your head. You remember the day you asked about what the pills were for, and Seulgi confessed that she had been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. You did extensive research online that night, and you could put two and two together and realized it was because of you. “People with BPD tend to… tend to have disturbances in experiencing oneself as unique, they have poor emotion regulation-”

“ _Shut up!_ ” Seulgi shouted to you, making her way over to you.

You continued, “-and marked instability in functioning, affect, mood, interpersonal relationships, disturbances in empathy and intimacy-”

“SHUT UP ALREADY!” Seulgi shouted at you, taking a swipe for the bottle. You dodged, your eyes wide as you kept it by your side.

“They experience frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, have poor self-image, unstable and rather explosive moods, difficulty controlling anger, with intense and inappropriate anger-”

“I’m fine! I’m not any of those things, Y/N, just give me the fucking bottle!” Seulgi hissed to you, taking another swipe as you once again dodged her. Your phone fell from your pocket, dropping to the floor, though you didn’t care.

“-and can be caused by a loss in childhood,” you finished. “Seulgi, I memorized all the ones that even seemed close to you, and those are the main ones. And it’s still going on, you know it is, you’re not okay, you need help. You’re still acting unwell, and it’s because you stopped taking your medicine! Seulgi, stop and think what you’re doing to yourself, to  _others_. I’m your best friend, I can’t just stand by and watch you destroy yourself like this! You aren’t just hurting yourself this way!”

“ _Well it’s your fault I’m like this in the first place!_ ” Seulgi screamed out, tears running down her face. They were hot and fat, rolling down her cheeks in pure anger. “ _If you hadn’t killed Dad, I wouldn’t be like this, would I?!_ ”

There it was, the very secret the two of you tried so desperately to forget about. The accident that seemed to change both you and Seulgi completely for the rest of your lives. The incident the two of you didn’t speak of, that you pushed so far from your mind, but was still embedded in the usual and familiar feeling of guilt in your gut. The fact that you, in a sense, were responsible for Seulgi’s father’s death.

“I told you!” you countered. “It was an accident! There wasn’t anything I could do, I was only twelve!”

Seulgi blamed you for everything since that day. You were in debt for it all, and you owed Seulgi everything for taking away the man who raised her at age twelve. You blamed yourself for every single thing since then, and both you and she convinced you that it was all your fault, and had it not been for your actions, her father could possibly still be alive today.

“Who else would be responsible?” Seulgi spat, knocking the bottle out of your hands. It rattled, falling to the floor, though you couldn’t bother to even look down at it. Your eyes locked with hers, and she aggressively shoved you, eyes blazing. “You were the one who asked for the ride! You were the one who was in the car that day!  _Who else would be responsible?!_ ”

“How was I supposed to know what was going to happen!?” you scream back. “I was twelve! There was no way I could’ve known! I just asked for a ride, it wasn’t like I could have known that he’d crash into a tree? There was no way I could’ve saved him, I was in the backseat, and he just swerved! If I could have saved him, I would’ve but I couldn’t!”

“That very day you said that it was all your fault!” She sneered. “‘It’s all my fault, all my fault.’ You admitted it then, but you can’t even admit it now when you’re a grown ass adult! Accept the fucking blame. Face it, if you hadn’t asked for a ride, if you had simply grabbed him or stopped it, he’d be alive. My father died because of you!”

“Maybe it wasn’t because of me,” you spat back. “Maybe he was so sick of having  a piece of shit daughter that he drove into the fucking tree on purpose so that he’d finally be in  _peace_!”

At that moment you knew you crossed the line, and you regretted your words immediately. Seulgi’s hand swung through the air, striking you across the face and getting you directly in your jaw, and you felt it lock in an unnatural place. You grabbed hold of the jaw, feeling it in such an unnatural angle, though you could still move it, though with difficulty. Your skin stung, and you opened your mouth to try to pop it back in place, though it was stiff and unwilling. You opened and closed your mouth again, slapping your hand on the other side of your jaw, trying desperately to fix the uncomfortable position it was in.

“Fuck you!” Seulgi scowled, absolutely livid. “You’re just fucking upset because I got Jungkook before you could! Because he loves me and he’ll never love you! You’ll never get him because you’re trash who fucks over everyone’s lives, and everyone would be much better without you! You know it, and I know it, so why don’t you stop wasting everyone’s time?!”

You didn’t respond, trying to knock the jaw back in place as you glared at her, and wanting it to click back in place, the tension adding pain to your jaw. “Ah, fuck,” you cursed, feeling how your tight muscles around the area felt uncomfortable still. “Are you out of your mind?”

“Get out of my apartment, bitch,” she sneered.

“Get some help!” you shot back, massaging your jaw. “You’re a crazy fucking bitch who gets off on turning others down because of your own insecurities, and you blame everyone else for your own actions!”

“And you’re a pathetic depressed cunt who pines after someone who’s got a girlfriend!” Seulgi’s eyes were fiery, and her face was so red, you swore it was about to turn purple. “What kind of twisted bitch does that? What kind of friend suggests someone’s dad committed suicide, huh?”

“Well, what kind of friend tries to emotionally and verbally abuse her best friend and convinces her that the world hates her and that someone’s death is her own fault, and all starting at age twelve?” you fired back, still tapping against the side of your face, desperately trying to get it back to it’s more comfortable position.

“You can’t even accept the blame for your own actions!” she growls. “You fucked my boyfriend, you betrayed my trust, and yet you still try to come onto him and steal him away! Don’t act like you don’t know, I’m not stupid!”

You wanted so desperately to spit back about who would actually abuse their boyfriend, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t let her know, because she’d interrogate Jungkook, and you didn’t want her hurting him again. You finally felt the jaw click back in place, and the pain had you curse out, the tightened muscles relaxing around your jaw, and you could practically hear the joints rubbing together now.

“You’re fucked in the head, Seulgi,” you spit. “Take your bitch-personality pills and stop hurting the ones around you who actually care about you, or you’ll end up alone.”

“You act as though I don’t have Jungkook,” she scoffed. “Get over the fact I beat you. He’s mine, and I’m not letting him leave. Now for the last time get out of my apartment before I call the police.”

“Gladly,” you growl. Before you know it, you’re stomping out, and Seulgi’s door slams behind you.

You’re glad that for once you finally stuck up for yourself.

* * *

There was a knock on your door that you weren’t expecting, and to say the least, you were very much surprised to see Jungkook. He had a frantic look on his face, one of pure fear and mixed with something else. Wide eyes, a pale face, and you had no clue what to think.

“Y/N, do you love me?” he asks.

You didn’t know what to say. What brought this on? You blinked in surprise, quickly recovering from your surprise. “You’re my best friend, why wouldn’t I?”

“No, I mean are you in love with me?” Jungkook asks.

“What? What brings this up?” You were sweating now, your heart leaping out of your chest. Did Seulgi tell him? You were so nervous. “Wait, what’re you doing here? What if Seulgi finds out, Jungkook?”

“She gave me permission, she also let me have my phone back,” Jungkook mentions, fishing it out of his pocket. Your heart sinks as he shows the glowing screen to you, and you felt as though your eyes were about to pop out of your head.

> Jungkook

> I love you

> I’m IN love with you

> I have for five years

> Come over please

> We need to talk

Your stomach plummets, pure fear and shock running through your system. This couldn’t be happening. You hadn’t even been on your phone all day. Wait, where was your phone?

Your heart drops.

Seulgi’s. It fell to the floor as she was trying to get the pills and you forgot about it. Of course she knew your password still, of course she’d do this!

“Jungkook, I don’t have my phone on me,” you confess. “I haven’t had it on me all day.”

“These texts are clearly from you,” Jungkook says. “Who else would send them?”

“I-I don’t know,” you stammer. “But I promise you I didn’t! I swear, Jungkook.”

He nods grimly. “Oh. Okay.”

“I don’t even know where my phone is right now,” you lie, though you had suspicions.

“Well is it true?”

“W-What?” you blink in surprise, stammering the word. “Is what true?”

“Do you love me?”

“You’re my best friend, how can I not?” you say in a sorry excuse, laughing nervously. “You know that already.”

“No, I mean are you  _in_  love with me?” Jungkook asks.

You lick your lips nervously. Damn Seulgi. “I…” you start.

“Wait.” Jungkook’s eyes narrow. He points to your face. “What’s that?”

“What’s what?” You ask, surprised.

“ _That_ ,” he points to your jaw, right where Seulgi slapped you. “God, you’ve got a nasty bruise, what happened?”

Your cheeks flame with color, and you quickly step back, touching the bruise tenderly. If you told him the truth, who knew what else Seulgi would reveal. She might twist the story to make it sound like you intently killed her father, and Jungkook would definitely stay away once she told that story. “I bumped into a wall,” you say, though it was a rather stupid lie.

“Y/N,” he says softly. “I’ve had bruises like that before… did someone hit you?”

“Jungkook, I’ve already had enough happen today,” you murmur, covering the bruise with your hand. “Please don’t do this.”

His eyes narrow. “Y/N. Tell me. Now.”

“I-I can’t,” you stutter. “Jungkook please, it’ll get better with ice, it’s forming anyways.”

“Y/N!” he snapped.

“I got into a fight with Seulgi today,” you blurted out. “Is that what you wanted to hear? Because that’s what happened.”

“She hit you?” Jungkook’s face drains of color. “Y/N, why didn’t you-”

“Don’t ask me that if you couldn’t tell me about your own issues for three years,” you snap. “I’m not in the mood to discuss it right now, please. Just drop it, I’ll… I’ll tell you everything, I promise, but I can’t tonight. I’ve got a lot to process and it’s just… I don’t want to add anything more to the day, Jungkook.”

He nods, his eyes looking to you in both understanding and hurt. “Fine. But you have to tell everything, Y/N. I… I’ve been trying to keep this from happening to you, I didn’t want it to. You’re my best friend, it pains me to see you hurt.”

“I know,” you sigh, your eyes lowering. You spot dried blood on his palm, and your eyes narrow. “Jungkook. What are you doing? Are you trying to harm yourself? Why do you keep hurting your hand? I tried to bandage it last time I saw you and you took it off when…” You trail off.

Jungkook’s eyes flicker to his hand, and he hides it from you. “It’s nothing.”

“Jungkook, I don’t have time for this today,” you plead. “Just tell me.”

“I’m not self-harming, I swear,” Jungkook promises you. “It’s… it’s like a trick. I can’t lie to Seulgi, I end up blurting everything out and I can’t keep good secrets. But more or less if I squeeze my hand so hard it bleeds, it helps distract me so that I can keep my mouth shut.”

“So… it helps you lie?” you ask.

“Yeah,” Jungkook says. “It’s weird, but I’m not a good liar. It helps my mind focus on the pain so that I don’t focus on the guilt.”

You nod. “I wish you were in a position where you didn’t have to hurt yourself in order to lie.”

“So do I,” Jungkook sighs. “I… I should get going. Seulgi is probably wondering where I am right now, and I don’t want her to get paranoid.”

“Good idea,” you sigh, licking your lips in disdain. “I’ll… see you next time or something.”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “Or something.”

* * *

It was the next morning, and you were very much surprised to see a thick envelope at your apartment door. It must’ve been dropped off recently, otherwise, it probably would have been stolen. You pick it up, feeling the weight at the shape between the paper. Opening it, you recognize your phone inside.

Why did Seulgi send you your phone back?

You try to turn it on, noticing that its battery was dead. This was weird.  _Very_  weird. You charge it, and once it gets to at least 20%. You open it, going through messages and such, noticing everything was normal except for the texts sent to Jungkook. It wasn’t necessarily to tell him, you realized. It was to show you she was serious, it was also to test him, to make him suspect,  and it was to scare you away.

You go through it a bit more and notice that there’s an extra, new video that wasn’t there before. Your stomach drops, and you click on it.

Immediately it’s porn, showing a naked woman’s riding someone’s dick, and it didn’t take much effort to realize it was Seulgi and Jungkook. Seulgi’s heat seemed to swallow his length, and the way it was positioned, some pillows peeking from the corners, showed that the phone was hidden.

It showed Jungkook laying down, though his head was cut off and not shown. Seulgi’s head wasn’t shown either, but you could see how her hair traveled down her back and her naked breasts as they bounced each time she hopped on him. Jungkook’s hands were clamped around her hips, guiding her as she rode along his length.

Their moans were loud as Seulgi kept going, letting Jungkook buck up into her at a fast pace, his hips moving quickly as she let out whimpers and mewls of pleasure. Your stomach tightened in absolute shock, and you felt repulsed. At least when you were in the closet, most of it was blocked from the blinds. Here everything was visible, and unlike the last time, this time Seulgi wanted you to see.

She was so fucked up and petty that she recorded her and Jungkook having sex on your own phone before giving it back to you.

You felt as though you were going to throw up, your face paling, and you simply stared at the screen, the sounds of moans, grunts, and skin slapping against skin being the only sound you could hear. You were literally watching their sex tape.

You couldn’t watch anymore. You exited from it, and you checked through your hidden photos, thankful that Seulgi wasn’t smart enough or didn’t think to look through. Your hidden photo of Jungkook with his bright, swollen cheeks from multiple slaps was still there and had Seulgi seen it, you would’ve been done for. Seulgi could’ve gotten rid of it with a few pew pews of tapping buttons or swiping away until it was completely deleted from your phone. Not to mention she’d know that you were aware of her abuse of Jungkook, and possibly even know you were there. Then who knew how she’d punish Jungkook.

You go to camera, taking a photo of yourself with the bruise, which had turned purple and blue already, forming along your jaw. It felt much better than it did that day when it had locked out of place. You were scared, thinking it’d stay that way permanently, but luckily it had clicked back in place eventually.

But you didn’t know what to do for Jungkook. You couldn’t call the police, not without his consent, and you didn’t want him to hate you. But you were thankful you had both the picture of your bruised cheek and Jungkook’s as well, to gather up a small piece of evidence to Seulgi’s crimes.

You couldn’t help but think back to her father. It had been years before last night since you thought about him since you became so used to expelling the man from your mind that you hardly thought of it, simply knowing the guilt both you and Seulgi had settled in your gut would stay there.

You had asked the man for a ride since your parents were unable to drive you to Seulgi’s place, and the man was more than willing to. You were like a second daughter to him, hanging out with his daughter so often and being around enough to be considered family. Seulgi was more like 'nice Seulgi’ back then, sweet, without a care in the world. She was the jewel of her father’s crown, who spoiled her rotten and adored her.

And then the man’s car swerved off the road, and the car went first into a tree. It happened so fast, you screamed, your seatbelt snapping you back into your seat as you briefly collided with the seat in front of you. You were shaking, your eyes turning to the man, who’s forehead was planted to his steering wheel, the airbag failing to inflate.

Before long police sirens were sounding, and you had to watch as the body of your best friend was whisked away, and all you could think about was how you would tell her, and how it was your fault. You were fine, and thankfully you didn’t form any mental illness or cause your mind to forever be haunted by the fact because you had Seulgi for that, who wasn’t so lucky.

They used his life insurance to pay for Seulgi’s psychiatrist, who she started seeing after she started acting wildly different from the old her, which you knew was your fault in a sense. She blamed you for it all, and it was since then that you started doing the same.

 


	6. Chapter 6

“Sweetheart, guess what I got!” Seulgi said enthusiastically, kicking the door behind her as she walked into Jungkook’s apartment, holding a bag behind her as her face glowed to her boyfriend’s.

He glanced at her, and his fist automatically curled, pain shooting out from his hand as his nails dug into his palm. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “What is it, princess?”

Every time he saw her now, his mind would flash to the horrifying image of her hand flying through the air, snapping against your jaw and leaving an ugly bruise. His gut twisted, and he remembered how his heart literally stopped when he saw you. When he saw the texts.

He ran so fast, faster than he had in years, to get to you. His heart raced at that point, going faster and faster until it just… stopped. It stopped once he saw your face, only for you to tell him you didn’t even have your phone on you.

Jungkook didn’t know what to feel. He loved Seulgi, even when she beat him. But this? Knowing she hit you? She slapped you, but the reason why remained unanswered. What could you possibly do, shoot someone with a few pew pews from a laser gun?

Jungkook felt so conflicted.

How could she? What brought it all on? What caused it where, at this point, she physically harmed you as well? Jungkook’s mind was starting to form crazy ideas that started seeming reasonable and plausible, that she had been doing the same to you as she did to him, all along, and he didn’t notice. What if she was abusing you too? What if that’s why you stayed here?

“I got those churros you love!” Seulgi grinned, holding out the bag and walking to him. “I saw them and thought of you, what do you think? Are you glad? Don’t worry, I didn’t take any for myself, though they smell so delicious, I wish I did.”

Jungkook took them from her, opening it and staring down at the food he’d usually inhale within a second. He lost his appetite. He let out a deep breath, putting the bag to the side and laying his hands flat against his legs instead of letting the familiar pain jolt across his palms.

“Did you hit Y/N?” he asked.

Seulgi’s glowing expression faltered. “What?”

“Did you hit Y/N?” Jungkook repeated slower, glaring up at her. His eyes pierced into hers, and her gaze was uneasy and unsure.

“Of course not,” Seulgi says. “She’s my friend, why would I hurt her?”

“I don’t know, maybe because I slept with her?” Jungkook snapped.

Seulgi’s eyes narrowed, and she did not look happy. “What on Earth makes you think that I hit her? I haven’t seen her for so long, Jungkook. What brings this up suddenly?”

“I saw her,” Jungkook blurted. “And I saw she had a bruise on her jaw. She said you did it.”

“Y/N is a liar,” Seulgi scoffed. “She’s just trying to turn you against me, Jungkook. She could never love you like I could, so she’s trying to act like a victim when I haven’t done anything to her.”

“Seulgi,” Jungkook sighed. “At this point, I don’t know what to believe.”

“Simple!” Seulgi snapped at him. “Believe me! She’s always trying to turn you against me, haven’t you seen? The way she’d look at us when we’re together? I didn’t want to tell you because she was your best friend as well, but she’s been trying to break us up since the beginning.”

“Now why would she do that?” Jungkook quirked a brow.

The girl gnawed on her lower lip. “She’s jealous. You know that. She’s been jealous of me since we were little kids and anything I had she’d want.”

“So you’re saying that she wants me?” Jungkook questioned, narrowing his eyes. “Because after you gave me the okay to confront her about those texts, she said she didn’t even have her phone on her.”

“Doesn’t mean that those texts weren’t true,” Seugli countered. “To some degree. She doesn’t love you. Not like I do. She just wants to get back on me, make it more miserable than it already is. She’s fucked up my life before Jungkook and never told you, and it’s ruined me forever. You want to know why I ever have to discipline you the way I do? It’s because of her.”

“What could she possibly do?” Jungkook sighed. “She wouldn’t hurt a fly, Seulgi. She’s not like you.”

Seulgi fumed, her hands curling at her sides, though she didn’t dare strike him. That would just further prove his point. “You wouldn’t believe me.”

“Why haven’t you told me, huh?” Jungkook asks. “Why would you keep it a secret if it’s so terrible? About someone so close to me?”

“Because I knew you wouldn’t believe me, and that she’d lie if you asked her,” Seulgi said. “But I confronted her about it last time I saw her if you must know. Jungkook, I never told you because I loved-  _love_ , you. And I knew if I ruined your image of your best friend your entire vision of her would be skewed. You’d never see her the same again, and I didn’t want that to happen to you. I knew how much you cared, and I knew how much she meant, I couldn’t bear to break your heart. It’s the same reason I never told you to stop hanging out with her because I genuinely trusted you. At least, before you gave me a reason not to.”

“Then why don’t you tell me now?” Jungkook countered. “Why are you being so vague and cryptic instead of just telling me?”

“Because I’m ashamed of how it affected my life,” Seulgi murmured quietly. “Jungkook, it embarrasses me how it does. How am I supposed to trust you with the fact of what happened after you’ve proven time and time again you aren’t to be trusted?”

“Just spit it out already!” Jungkook requested. “What does this have to do with you hitting her? That’s what I asked in the first place!”

“Watch your tone,” Seulgi warned. “You don’t want to know anyways.”

“I’m  _pretty_  sure I do.”

“She killed my father, Jungkook!” Seulgi spat. “She  _murdered_  him.”

“You’re lying,” Jungkook immediately retorted. “There’s no way. She would’ve told me. She can’t  _murder_  someone, she’s harmless! Innocent!”

“I knew you wouldn’t believe me,” Seulgi shook her head, sighing. “Jungkook, I’m telling you the truth. It was before she even met you, and she asked my father for a ride. Next thing you know, they’re in the car, and his skull had been banged against the steering wheel. Y/N was unscathed, and unaffected, and didn’t need any help after. You’d think someone at that age would’ve been traumatized by it, but she lived the rest of her life out normally, and I was the one who ended up getting hurt.”

Jungkook was silent for a few seconds, not knowing what to say. “Seulgi, I… how am I supposed to know if what you’re saying is true? I’m… I’m not sure anymore. I’m not sure about anything.”

“What?” Seulgi snapped. “Jungkook, I’m your  _girlfriend_. If you really think I’m making everything up, you can ask Y/N herself if my father died with her. I’m telling the truth! Ever since I’ve been fatherless, and my family has been broken. I had to go to some doctor because my mother was convinced I was as fucked up as she was at that point, and I was constantly having to swallow whatever pills she forced me to take. I had to go so many years calling out my father’s name only to remember he wasn’t there anymore. I had to go through the rest of my life unable to even see him, and I had to constantly be with the girl who was there when he died, who was a constant reminder of who I lost. And you know what? The only person who could make me forget for even five seconds about my own pain and misery? You.”

Jungkook closed his eyes. “Seulgi…”

“You still think I’m lying?” Seulgi asked. “Ask her. Go ahead and ask if he died with her in the car that night. If that detail’s right, who’s to say the rest aren’t? She’s no better than I am, Jungkook. She manipulates and acts so perfect pretending that everyone else’s pain is her own, even when it doesn’t affect her life. But if it really even hurt her that much, how could you and I, her best friends, not see it? We would’ve seen her cry, we would’ve seen her complain, we would’ve seen her hurting because we’re the two people who are closest to her! The fact we haven’t proves that she’s a liar.”

“I don’t think she’s a liar,” Jungkook said, desperate to convince himself that Seulgi’s words weren’t true. But they made sense. Seulgi always found a way to make sense.

“Aren’t lies just keeping the truth from someone?” Seulgi pointed out. “And isn’t that what a secret is as well?”

Jungkook couldn’t deny that.

“I’ll… I’ll talk to her. I have to see both sides of the story, Seulgi, I can’t just assume. You two are important to me, and what you’re saying makes sense…” Jungkook admitted.

Seulgi shook her head. “You know Jungkook, you’re really selfish sometimes. You want both of us in your life, but it doesn’t work that way. You know that eventually, you’re going to have to pick: me, or her?”

“I can’t make that decision,” Jungkook answered immediately. “I’m sorry, I can’t, I love you both and you’re too important… I don’t want to lose either of you…”

“And why’s that?” she quirked a brow.

“You… you and I have been together so long, we’re dependent on each other,” Jungkook admits. “But Y/N makes me happy and content as well. I can’t just leave either of you. I gave you one-half of my heart, but in a way, I gave her the other.”

“So you want to keep both of us around because of whatever we’ve been providing you?” Seulgi asks. “A place to belong, happiness, content, love, security?”

“I mean… when you put it that way…”

She scoffed. “You are selfish. You know in the end you’ll have to pick one. I just hope you have some sense and chose me. You said it yourself; we’re dependent on each other. It would be a disaster if we were to leave each other, we’d both be messes. When you thought I left you, you simply stuffed your dick into your best friend! At least you know for Y/N she can handle herself, she has been for her entire life. She could never be dependent on you, Jungkook, and you need someone to make you feel as though you’re needed.”

Jungkook looked to the floor, listening to Seulgi’s words trying to make sense. And like always, it seeped into his head and to his brain, embedding itself in there and branding the words.

Did he really need someone to make him feel needed?

“I’ll go talk to her,” Jungkook decides, taking his phone, earning an uninterested shrug from Seulgi.

* * *

“Did she give you permission again?” you asked in lieu of a greeting as you opened the door, seeing Jungkook.

“More or less,” Jungkook remarks, stepping inside as you welcomed him. “Your bruise is getting better.”

Your hand reached up to touch your cheek, the bruise doing slightly better. “Yeah, it hurts less. Thanks for mentioning it.”

“No problem,” Jungkook says. “Are you going to tell me what led up to it, though?”

You gnawed on your lower lip, your glance to him demure and slightly guilty. “I don’t know if you’re ready to hear that though, Jungkook. It might be best if you wait.”

“Is it because you killed Seulgi’s dad?”

Your eyes are wide, and your head snaps up to look at him. “What? How do you know about that?”

“So it’s true,” Jungkook murmurs, his own eyes wide and face paling. “You’re a murderer?”

“What? No, it’s not like that,” you stammered out.

“Are you responsible for his death?”

You were silent.

Jungkook turns to leave, but you latch onto his arm, stopping him. “Wait, wait! It wasn’t like that, I swear. God, what’s up with you blurting this stuff out so suddenly? It’s been a minute and you’re asking if I’m responsible for taking someone’s life!”

“Y/N, you need to answer every question of mine or I’m leaving,” Jungkook promised. “I’m not standing for any more of these secrets.”

“What’s up with you today?” you whispered out.

He held his hands up. “I’m not hurting myself, therefore I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.”

“Fine, I’ll tell you,” you sigh. “But I didn’t murder anyone. I don’t know what Seulgi told you exactly, but she has always thought of it like that. It’s far from it though, I promise.”

“Then what happened?”

You took a deep breath. “I was only twelve at the time. Seulgi and I would hang out constantly, and on one particular day, I asked her father to drive me to her place. He obliged, and I was simply sitting in the backseat, waiting for us to get there when the car swerved off the road. It happened so quickly, and next thing I know we crashed into a tree, smoke billowing from the hood and a sickening thud that sounded throughout the car. I looked at her father, his forehead planted against the steering wheel. I remember shaking him, asking him to wake up because we needed to get out, but he was already dead. I didn’t kill him, though if I didn’t call him that night, he could still be alive today.”

Jungkook nodded slowly, analyzing your story to Seulgi’s interpretation. “How did this lead up to Seulgi hitting you? She mentioned this had something to do with it, but I fail to see what.”

You bit the inside of your cheek. “A few days ago, I was at her place. I was looking for some Tylenol through her medicine cabinet when I found her pills and found out she hadn’t been taking them for nearly three years.”

“She mentioned her mother forcing her to take pills,” Jungkook says. “But why?”

“I shouldn’t be the one telling you this,” you confess, biting your lip.

“Y/N, I need to understand,” Jungkook pleaded. “You two have kept so many secrets from me, where does it end? I feel like I have some right to know… it’ll help me figure out some stuff at least.”

You took a deep breath. “Jungkook… Seulgi’s… she’s sick. Like, mentally sick.”

He quirks a brow. “Sick how? What’s wrong with her?”

“She has BPD,” you admit, feeling instantly guilty for sharing a detail you ought not to. “Borderline Personality Disorder.”

“BPD?” Jungkook repeats.

“It starts usually in adolescence or as a young adult and can be stemmed from loss. The individual has trouble expressing themselves as individuals, have a poor self-image, and have difficulties controlling their anger. There are many more details, but those are the main ones linked to Seulgi summarized,” you explain.

“So… that’s why she-”

“Has random outbursts and takes it out on you?” You nod in confirmation. “That’s a big part of it, though it comes from a lot of different things I suppose.”

He nods. “Everything’s just so confusing right now, y'know? I don’t know who to believe, and both of you make sense, and I just don’t want to lose either of you. Seulgi and I are dependent on each other, but you’re my best friend, I want both of you with me… and now that I know this? I don’t know who’s telling the truth.”

Your mouth went small as you looked to him. “It’s okay, Jungkook, take your time. I’m not going to make you choose, not like this. I mean… I know it’ll eventually end with either one or none of us with you, and I’ve come to terms with it in a way. But I’m willing to stick by you until you tell me I can’t.”

He smiles, putting his hand on your shoulder in small thanks for comforting him. “Thanks, that means a lot to me…”

“It’s only the truth.” You smile back softly.

“Y/N, do you think I’m selfish?”

“Jungkook, I think you’re the least selfish out of the two of us.”

He nodded at that, looking at you in both appreciation and admiration. “No, Y/N, you’re so selfless it makes my mind spin. You seem to have most of your shit together, I haven’t seen you cry, or scream. You always seem so composed you know. I wish I was like that.”

“Jungkook, I’m far from that,” you confess. “I just don’t like burdening others with my problems.”

“Am I a burden?”

“What? No! You’re a blessing in my life, Jungkook. I just wish you  _weren’t_ burdened,” you answer honestly, leaning in a bit closer. “Trust me, we’ll get this situation with Seulgi fixed, and you’ll be alright in the end. That’s all that matters right now.”

“Well, what about you?” Jungkook asks.

“You’re my top priority,” you smile. “You always were.”

At that moment, Jungkook couldn’t hold back. He didn’t squeeze his hands to dig his nails into his palm, restraining from saying or doing anything stupid to lie. Instead, he leaned in, closing the gap between the two of you.

Your eyes are wide, but his lips are persistent, and you find yourself melting into his touch, molding your mouth with his as they moved fervently against each other. You felt the tip of his tongue graze along your bottom lip, asking for access, and your lips parted willingly, obliging to his silent request. His tongue danced with yours, colliding and having you sink deeper into the kiss, eyes squeezed shut as his hands pulled you closer by your hips, and your hands were on either side of his face. Your mind was spinning, as was his, and consequences escaped your mind.

But Seulgi.

You break away, panting, seeing his eyes lower to meet yours to question your actions.

“Seulgi,” you say. “God, Jungkook, she’ll find out. She’s going to hurt you, we can’t.”

“Hey,” he says, taking your hands in his and staring you in the eye. “She can hurt me all she wants, but I’ll be okay as long as I’m by your side.”

Your eyes glow, cheeks blooming red as you reconnect your lips to his, clearing your mind with ease as you pull him in deeper. The fact he even said that made your heart stop, and you were absolutely mad for the boy. Jungkook’s hands let go of yours, going back to your hips, and slowly they start riding up to your waist, the hem of your shirt bunched around his hands.

“We don’t have to,” Jungkook murmurs, breaking the kiss to start kissing your cheeks or your forehead, kissing your face with small pecks of affection. “I don’t want to rush you.”

You waste no time, reaching up and crossing your arms, latching your fingers around the hem of your shirt to tug it over your head, as though you were unwrapping a present. Your arms reach around his neck once again, having him dive into your kiss.

It was as though both of you had a fiery battle for dominance, and Jungkook won easily, his hands running over your sides, his touch sending goosebumps over your skin, and your stomach felt as though it was twisting. Jungkook was stepping back, and soon enough your back hit a wall, though you didn’t care. Your hands wove into his locks, curling your fingers into the threads of his hair as your mine went to pure ecstasy.

Jungkook’s hands made your back arch, and he unlatched your bra, letting it slide off your body to fall to the floor. Jungkook sucked at your neck, and you moaned out, his hands kneading and massaging your breasts, pushing them up in his hands as he continued to kiss up against the side of your neck.

Your hands tugged at the hem of his shirt, and he pulled away, hastily yanking it off before pressing his bare torso against yours, pushing you further up the wall as his swollen lips attacked your own. You moaned into his mouth, and his lips traveled from your mouth to your neck, then down your breasts, placing a tender kiss to your nipple before continuing the trail down to your stomach. The eye contact never broke as he descended down your body, and his fingers hooked around your shorts.

Slowly, he dragged them down your legs until you finally kicked them off. Your own thumbs hooked around the waistband of your panties, and you shimmied out of them, letting them pool at your feet as you kicked them to the side. Jungkook was on his knees at this point, and you tried desperately to grip at the wall, maintaining balance somewhat as Jungkook hitched one of your legs over his shoulder.

Your fingers intertwined in his hair, stabilizing yourself as you saw his face disappear between your legs, one hand firm on your thigh to keep you in place. You shuddered as you felt his tongue run along your folds, letting out small mewls of pleasure as he gave a few tentative licks.

His tongue ran over your clit, and the bundle of nerves sent waves of pleasure washing over you, and you let out breathy gasps at the sensation. Jungkook found your weak spot, and you felt how he grinned against your heat, beginning to suck at your clit in a rather tantalizing manner. You moaned out at the sensation, bucking up into his mouth and angling yourself in a way that his face was directly in your crotch, his lips buried in your folds and his tongue giving you multiple tingles of pleasure as he kept on licking at your clit.

You felt your high approaching, pressure in your lower stomach as the coil started stretching, threatening to snap. Your hips were bucking a bit wilder now, and Jungkook had to keep a hand on your hip to keep you still, licking faster to get you to reach your high.

Your orgasm washed over you, and you moaned out at the sensation, wincing slightly as Jungkook continued. The overstimulation started to hurt, and you let out small whines as Jungkook kept on lapping up your juices and at your folds. Your breathy whines and moans seemed to satisfy him because he finally pulled away, coming up for air.

He stood before you, and you toyed with his waistband, urging him to tug them down. Kicking off his shoes instantly, he tugged both his boxers and pants off, his erection springing to life, angry and red, dripping with pearls of precum. You licked your lips at the sight, but Jungkook urgently smashed his lips back to yours, his hand traveling down your side to reach back to your heat, plunging two fingers in. His palm dug into your clit, rubbing gently at it and overstimulation was once again elicited. His fingers made scissor motions, stretching you out as he started pumping his fingers back into you, his fingers brushing against the warm, slick walls of your core.

Your own hand reached to his erection, pumping him. Your thumb swiped over the slit of the head each time it reached the top, only to dive back to the base, vigorously pumping him as you spread his precum over the red skin, feeling how rigid he was in your palm.

Jungkook groaned at the sensation, adding a third finger into you, and you let out a small whine. You felt how they stretched you out, trying to curl into you, and the long slender digits brushing against the hot walls, and you moaned out at how good he made you feel. Your whines and moans were greedily swallowed by Jungkook, who devoured each sound you made.

You could hear the lewd sounds of his fingers in your pussy, his palm slapping up at your heat with each pump. You broke away the kiss, your hooded eyes giving him a lustful gaze as you kept on pumping him.

“Jungkook,” you whined, biting your lip as his fingers continued. “Jungkook, I need you inside me. Now.”

“What is it you want, baby?” Jungkook murmured against your neck. “I want to hear you say it.”

“Your cock,” you breathed out. “I need your cock,  _fuck_. Stop being a tease,  _please_.”

Jungkook grinned against your neck, and his fingers left your heat, both hands traveling to your thighs. Your hands both went to wrap around his neck, jumping up to hook your legs around his waist. Jungkook slammed you back to the wall and positioned his dick at your entrance, and both of you shuddered simultaneously at the feeling of him filling you up to the brim, pushing inch by inch into you.

Soon he was thrusting into you, and your back rubbed against the wall, bouncing on his cock. Your moans rang throughout the apartment, his hips snapping up into yours as he bucked up into you multiple times, your skin slapping against each other multiple times. His pelvis was directly rubbing against your clit, providing the sensation you needed at the bundle of nerves since the overstimulation had died down.

You were moaning out, letting him muffle his grunts into your neck as he kept bucking his hips into yours. You were an utter mess underneath his touch, feeling him slide in and out of you, rubbing against your walls and hitting the spot that sent your mind to a place of ecstasy.

Both of you were sweaty bodies pressed against one another, flushed, with rosy cheeks and eyes blown out so much it seemed as though your pupils had swallowed any color that was in your eyes. You let out a stream of cuss words as Jungkook repeatedly pounded into you.

You felt the knot beginning to form again in your lower stomach, coiling and threatening to snap, and you let out warnings and cries of how you were close, causing Jungkook to speed up and slam his length back into you, his pelvis rigorously rubbing against your own until your head was tossed back, back arching off the wall as you let out a cry of pleasure.

Jungkook didn’t continue to fuck you against the wall, instead choosing to walk over to the couch, falling onto it and fucking you into the cushions, trying to reach his own high. You felt his hot seed spill into you, warm and liquid, and Jungkook pressed his sweaty forehead against your own, panting as the both of you tried to catch your breath, coming down from your high.

You weren’t worried about being pregnant since you took birth control from your previous one night stands, though you hadn’t had one since you slept with Jungkook for the first time. Jungkook slid out of you, and you looked at how his cock was coated with both of your juices, covered in cum as it slipped out of you. Some of the fluids pooled out of you, the white liquid dribbling out.

“Fuck,” Jungkook mumbles. “God, what’re you doing to me?”

You giggled in response, pressing your lips against his. Both of you were surprised, though, when you heard a quiet buzz ring throughout. Jungkook looked to the clothes the two of you discarded near the wall and hesitantly got up to get it. Your heart sunk slightly as he answered it.

“Hi, princess,” he greets, making you wince. The two of you just fucked, and now he was on the phone with his girlfriend, pretending as though nothing happened? “Yeah… yeah, I talked to her. She told me everything. Yeah… yeah, I know… I’ll be there soon… Yeah, I’ll get on my way… Okay, bye.”

Your heart had sunk, and Jungkook turned to you. “I’ve got to get going…”

“I can’t do this anymore,” you blurt. “I can’t just be some sort of side-chick for you while you run back to your abusive girlfriend every time, Jungkook.”

The boy winced at your words. “Y/N, you’re not some side-chick to me, you’re my best friend-”

“Enough with the best friend bullshit!” you snapped at him, your eyes watering. “God, Jungkook,  _I’m in love with you!_  I’m in love with you and you didn’t even know, and I’m here watching you run after her and get hurt, using me every time and I-I can’t… I can’t do this… not with you running back every time.”

Jungkook was stunned, and he looked at you in pure shock. “You’re… You’re in love with me?”

“I have been for the past five years,” you say, your throat swelling and your voice cracking at the words. “You never noticed.”

“But those texts, you said you didn’t send them,” Jungkook says.

“I didn’t. Seulgi stole my phone and sent it to you. You just didn’t believe it,” you mumble. “She knows, Jungkook. She’s known for… for quite a while now.”

“Y/N, I’m so sorry,” Jungkook says, reaching out for you. “If I knew, I wouldn’t have toyed with your feelings-”

You recoil, flinching before he could even touch you. “Please. Please don’t do this, Jungkook. I-It’s hard, seeing you with her. It was hard before because I loved you so much, but I introduced the two of you together, and you were both my best friends. And I-I was selfish being in love with my best friend’s boyfriend, but I can’t just be a side piece! I thought I could ignore my feelings, help you feel better, put up with it, but I can’t. I can’t live like this Jungkook, I’m sorry.”

“Y/N, what’re you saying?” Jungkook breathed. “Are you… leaving me?”

“No,” you say. “No, never, I love you too much. But… but I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep letting my emotions get messed with if they’ll never be returned. I’m sorry, especially since I’m doing this to you in your time of need. You know I’m always here for you, I’ll always be your friend, even if I wish to be more, but I can’t do this thing where you cheat on her with me. It’s not right. And it hurts way more than I’d like to admit, knowing you’ll run to her each time.”

“Y/N, you’re important, but this is all confusing for me,” Jungkook confessed. “I-I don’t know how to react or what to feel. I never meant to hurt you, that was my last intent.”

Hot, fat tears were rolling down your cheeks at this point, and you angrily wiped them away. You used to pride yourself in the fact that you never let Jungkook see you cry, despite how often you did it, but now it was all spilling out. It was as though the dam broke, and now you were turning into a  sobbing mess.

“I’m sorry,” you murmur. “It’s all my fault, everything. I’m so, so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, it’s mine,” Jungkook says. He reaches out for you, but you curl into a ball, recoiling from his touch. He winces at your way of blocking him out.

“I… I think you should leave,” you whisper quietly. “She’s waiting for you.”

Jungkook says nothing, absolutely frozen at your reminder. Slowly he puts back on his clothes, giving you solemn looks, though you were still curled up in a ball, your head buried in your arms, and refusing to meet his eyes.

Jungkook knew it was no use talking you out of this since you were dead set on this. You needed time to think, time to clear your mind. Jungkook needed time to process the new information.

He makes his way to your front door, looking back to see if your eyes would follow.

“Y/N, if you think there’s any way I’ll let you leave my life, you’re wrong,” he promises. “I love you too much to let that happen, even if I’m not sure how.”

And the door finally shuts, leaving you alone, once again.


	7. Chapter 7

“Did you know she loved me too?”

The question hangs in the air, and Seulgi’s frozen. Her limbs are stiff, her shoulders tense, and her back facing Jungkook as she washed the dishes. The water was the only thing that filled the otherwise dead air, the background noise masking over the uncomfortable silence between the two.

“I take it your conversation veered off topic,” Seulgi mentions casually, continuing her chores. The pause and hesitation, not to mention evasion, told Jungkook all he needed to know.

“Why didn’t you tell me then?” Jungkook questions.

“I wouldn’t be a good friend if I revealed a friend’s crush, now would I?” Seulgi counters. “You’re getting very demanding, today, Jungkook. I thought I sent you over to Y/N’s so you’d finally stop asking me questions.”

“Well, now I’m asking more,” Jungkook defended. “And any normal girlfriend would notify the guy if someone has a crush on him. Or did you know all along and just wanted to dangle me in front of her?”

She spun around, facing him, her eyes narrowed. She hadn’t looked at him since he got back, but her eyes lingered on his slightly swollen, pink lips, and slightly tousled hair. “Did you seriously cheat on me again?” she whispered to him.

Jungkook sucks in a breath. “Yes. I did.”

“You don’t stop fucking up, do you?” Seulgi murmured darkly, shaking her head. “You need to stop seeing that side-chick and start being faithful for once. Do you know how much that hurts me? God, I ought to beat you over the head for that!”

“Do you ever think about what hurts her?” Jungkook counters. “You can hit me all you want, but the fact that you so much as laid a finger on her, that’s where I draw the line!”

“God, and you’re all innocent?” Seulgi hissed. “You’ve been cheating on me, and you’ve been toying with her feelings ever since you started making her a regular hookup. You’re no better, you don’t care about anyone but yourself, you’re just too ignorant and small-minded to see the damage you do yourself. Hypocrite.”

“And you do the same thing,” Jungkook muttered. “I didn’t know she had feelings for me, but apparently you did! And you showed me off just to rub it in her face. She’s been hurting for God know’s how long, and you didn’t give a shit, did you?”

“Oh? You’re responsible for her heartache, you’re the one she loves, not me!” Seulgi exclaims. “You’re the one who played with her feelings by making her think she had a chance. You’re the one who slept with her and had to give her fake hope. You’re the one at fault!”

“I know you’re fucking psycho but you can’t just pin every damn problem on me like you always do!” Jungkook fumes. “Seulgi, you need help. You haven’t been taking your pills, and you need to go see a psychiatrist. You aren’t hurting just us, but you’re hurting yourself.”

Seulgi’s eyes were wide, and she was seething. “That little bitch told you?”

“Don’t call her that!” Jungkook snapped.

“I’ll call that whore whatever the fuck I want!” Seulgi scowled. “She’s just a side-chick who needs to stop continuing a stupid high school crush and stay out of her business!”

“She’s not just some side-chick, you lunatic!” He growled. “She’s twice the woman you’ll ever be because you’re just a sicko who gets off on seeing others suffer-”

Seulgi struck him across the face, her eyes boring into his as he glared at her, holding his reddening cheek. “I’m still your girlfriend,” Seulgi hissed. “Don’t you  _ever_  think you can talk to me like that ever again. You’ve been insufferable today, and I’m done with it. I even told you how she killed my father, and you still choose to attack me like this. I. Am. Your. Girlfriend!”

Jungkook licked his lips, shaking his head. “Not anymore.”

Seulgi’s eyes went wide, her brows furrowing as she gritted her teeth. “What do you mean, not anymore?”

“I mean it, we’re done. You can toss me around all you want, but I’m not going to let Y/N suffer because of me. Because of you,” Jungkook hissed. “I’m done. I can’t deal with this. I can’t love you anymore, not when you’ve become a monster who tries to batter down her own best friend. I thought I could change you, I thought there was some good, but I was wrong.”

“Baby, baby please,” Seulgi started to whine. “Look, we can talk through this. I’m sorry about what I said earlier, but let’s be rational.”

“I’ve been rational!” Jungkook says. “I’ve been nothing but patient with you. I admit I fucked up cheating on you, and you had every right to be mad, but you kept on bringing it up continuously despite saying you wanted to move on.”

“We can move on!” she protests. “If you stopped sleeping with her!”

“And I did for a while, and you got worse,” Jungkook pointed out. “You’re not going to change, I can’t make you. But I’d rather be with a girl I know genuinely loves me instead of… instead of this. You make me feel like I’m trash who deserves every hit, and I believed it, but when you make Y/N feel the same, I’m done.”

“Look, I can change!” Seulgi says, “I promise, Jungkook. I just don’t want to lose you.”

“I’ve already lost myself,” he mutters. “You’re selfish, Seulgi. In every aspect of the word. It’s baffling I was so blind I didn’t see it before.”

“I’m not!” She starts sinking to her knees, quickly trying to yank down his pants. “I’ll prove it. Let me be a giver for once, Jungkook. I can do it.”

Jungkook tried to pry her hands away, but quickly she had his boxers and pants yanked down around his knees, her hand vigorously pumping his soft cock to make it grow in her hand. “Seulgi, Seulgi, cut it out! Knock it off-”

“Shh,” she cooed, pressing her lips against the head, her hand moving in a blur. “Let me, Jungkook, I promise-”

“Stop it!” he said, trying to step back. Seulgi’s knees pressed on top of his shoes, her hands locking around his knees to keep him in place. Jungkook’s arms flailed back, and the long limbs found balance against the countertop. “Seulgi, it’s not funny, this isn’t the time-”

Her mouth sunk down around his length, trying to take him in, though only halfway. She showed displeasure at the taste but tried to bob her head around his length. Her nails dug into the back of his knees, keeping him there as the pain of her nails piercing into his skin made him hiss in pain.

“Seulgi, I’m serious, fucking quit-”

She sunk down more, her hands leaving his knees to work along the length of his shaft, the other one fondling his balls as he started to get an unwilling erection against her tongue. Jungkook didn’t want to hurt her or be aggressive, but this was actual assault. He didn’t want this, he didn’t want her, and his mind was screaming for him to get away.

“I said  _stop!_ ” He pushed her head away, and she was flying off, her head thumping against the wood beneath the kitchen sink. Jungkook’s eyes were wide, and he quickly sinks down, face filled with worry as he pressed both hands against her head. “Shit, shit shit, are you alright? I didn’t mean to push so hard, I’m sorry, is your head okay? Fuck, I’m so sorry, Seulgi. C'mon, speak to me.”

Seulgi’s half-lidded eyes looked up to glare at him, and she spat in his eye, causing him to jump back and wince, wiping it out immediately. “Fuck you,” she spat, glaring at him. “Right when I was trying to do something nice, you try to kill me?”

Jungkook wipes the rest of the spit from his eye, glaring at her. “At least you’re okay. I wasn’t trying to be so aggressive, but no means no. Sorry for banging your head against that, though.”

“Seriously, Jungkook, what the hell?!”

He sighed, getting up and hastily fixing his buckle and pants. “I’m leaving. I’m not some toy for you to play around with, Seulgi. I need to go get to Y/N.”

“What, are you in love with her now?” Seulgi sputters. “Is that it?”

“So what if I am?” Jungkook counters. “It’s none of your business anymore, Seulgi. She’s the one who’s actually been there for me. I need to apologize to her anyway.”

Seulgi’s eyes tear up, and her lips start quivering, eyes boring up into Jungkook’s, whose dark spheres were filled with pity, hurt, and apology. Her cheeks burned red, and Jungkook watched as she scampered up, running off to the bathroom. Jungkook assumed it was simply to cry her eyes out.

He sighed, leaning against the countertop as he tried to collect his thoughts. His mind was swarming with them, and his mind kept flashing back to the horrifying image of Seulgi keeping him pinned in place, forcing his dick in her mouth though he didn’t want to. His cries and refusal going unheard in his ex-girlfriend’s ears as she desperately tried to win him over.

Think happy thoughts… think happy thoughts…

He started thinking of you. Of a future where you accepted him, confession and flaws and past, and of a future you two could have. You, being his girlfriend. Him, being with his best friend and loving you in a way that didn’t involve one being put down or slaps across the face.

Of course, it’d be too early for that now. You two needed time to heal after what happened with Seulgi. He couldn’t enter a relationship so quickly, especially after how traumatizing this one was. But maybe if you accepted him you could ease him into it, make him feel the love that he was sure he didn’t deserve or let him feel happy and healthy again. He was happy with you, and he was so tired of depending on Seulgi for approval, acceptance, or a place to belong. He was tired of being depended on as a punching bag to prove self-worth. He couldn’t live like this forever.

He sighed, combing back his hair and about to make his way to the door, twisting the doorknob and leaving the apartment for what he hoped would be the last time when he heard-

“If you so much as step foot outside that door, I swear I’ll kill myself.”

The voice was no louder than a whisper but was still heard clearly. Jungkook froze in place, his head slowly turning to Seulgi. His eyes were wide, mouth going small as he froze in place.

Seulgi had one of his razors that he often used at her place- since both of their things were scattered at the other’s houses- and she held it toward’s her neck, the points and edges looking sharp, begging to dive into the skin of her neck. Fat tears were rolling down her cheeks, nearing the blade slowly closer. “I promise I will, there’ll be nothing holding me back. My blood will be on your hands, Jungkook.”

“Seulgi, put that down,” Jungkook says quietly, trying to keep a calm voice as he slowly turned to her. “You’re not in the right mindset, you don’t want-”

“To hell with what I want!” Seulgi screeched. “I want you, and I’ve been in this dark spiral for so long, I don’t care anymore! If you leave, I won’t hesitate, I swear to God.”

“Seulgi, please,” Jungkook begged. “I don’t want you to die.”

“Then stay with me,” Seulgi sobbed. “Stay with me, stay with me, stay with me!” She brought her hand out, a sign that she was actually about to slit her neck, her hand shaking and trembling as she gripped onto the razor.

“Alright!” he shouted. “Alright, I’ll stay, I’ll stay! Just put it down, please!”

She looked at him, lips quivering and a breathy smile forming across her face. “Really?”

“Yes, just give me the razor,” Jungkook says, hesitantly holding out his hand, his heart stopping with fear.

Seulgi nodded, her trembling hand reaching out to his and dropping the razor there. Jungkook caught it, quickly putting it behind his back so that it was far away from Seulgi, who sniffled and smiled at him as she vigorously wiped her tears, rubbing her cheeks raw.

“I love you, Jungkook,” she whispered.

“Y-Yeah,” he gulped. “Love you too.”

“You know you won’t be able to leave now. I don’t need a razor,” Seulgi reminded him. “If you try to sneak past, I’ll still do it. You won’t leave, will you?”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Jungkook promised her.

* * *

Seulgi was in the shower, and Jungkook was staring down at his phone, his heart thudding. This was insane. She was insane. He was going through the symptoms of BPD now, and unsurprisingly, suicide and thoughts for self-harm were common symptoms. How could he have let this happen? He was being trapped, kept there by the looming threat of her killing herself.

It was twisted in so many ways. This was someone’s life they were talking about, and not his. It was hers. As bad as she was to him, he didn’t want her dead. He didn’t want to live with the guilt of knowing in some aspect someone’s blood was on his hands.

He went to the dial, hearing Seulgi turn off the shower. He didn’t have much time. He took heavy breaths, knowing he had to do this.

He started dialing the number for the police, but the door to the bathroom swung open, and out stepped Seulgi, wrapped in a towel, her hair sopping wet, and a small feminine razor in her hand. Her eyes flew from his to the phone, and her face paled, and his body froze.

“You were going to call the police, weren’t you?” Seulgi whispered, her tone furious. “You’re still trying to leave, aren’t you?”

“Seulgi-”

She quickly looked to the razor, pressing it against her wrist and closing her eyes, taking a quick swipe. Jungkook lunged forward, taking the razor from her, and catching her collapsing body in his hands, his own arms trembling and shaking. He tossed the razor to the side, shaking her as she looked at him through lidded eyes, her eyes devoid of anything.

He looked at where the blades pierced the skin, grabbing her arm and seeing the three cuts- just piercing the skin and barely anything else, thank God- and the blood starting to rush up already. He stared on, and within seconds it was starting to bleed more and more, slipping past the cuts to dribble over the skin, some dripping down on the fluffy white towel she wore and the floor.

Jungkook had her sit down on the bed, quickly rushing to get some ointment and bandages, and as he tended to her wounds, the unsettling feeling in his gut failed to calm down, and he knew he was trapped.

A small smirk played on Seulgi’s lips, knowing that once again, she had regained control, and had the boy wrapped around her finger.

* * *

You were in the grocery store, getting more ramen and other necessities to go about the rest of the week. You hadn’t talked to Jungkook or Seulgi in weeks, and though your mind was clearing, your heart ached to see the boy once again.

Almost everyone goes to the grocery store. Mom’s with their kids, who have little boys chasing around their younger siblings with finger guns, shouting ‘pew pew!’ to annoy them or play with them. That one guy who reads the label for an extensive amount of time for a can of soup. That one asshole who’s entire cart is parked specifically to block one side of the aisle.

So imagine when, of all places, you see them in the same grocery store. Your first instinct is to hide, to run, to push your cart and ride it out of the doors and sail away. Your heart was beating fast already, and no matter how much you tried to avoid looking at them and quickly getting your items, their presence seemed to radiate from one side of you.

Jungkook must’ve noticed you because he couldn’t stop himself from exclaiming in surprise, “Y/N?”

Your head snaps up, and you warily glance to the two of them. Jungkook wears an expression of both shock and fear, and Seulgi glares at you, her eyes deathly. She was wearing one of his oversized hoodies, and the image made your stomach twist.

“O-Oh, hi,” you stammer. “Long time no see, I guess.”

To your surprise, Jungkook nears closer, Seulgi reluctantly trailing behind. “So, what’s been up with you these past few weeks?” he says in a friendly manner. His tone is off, and his eyes were glancing from side to side. Your hands peered down to his fists, curled so tightly the knuckles were white.

He was hiding something.

Seulgi mutters something quietly to him, and Jungkook glances to his girlfriend. “Don’t worry. I promised, didn’t I? I just want to catch up, that’s all.”

Seulgi’s mouth screws shut, though her eyes never leave yours. Jungkook takes it as a sign to speak with you privately, though it’s only a few feet from her, and the lowered whispers kept it out of earshot.

“Look, I get the message, you chose her,” you grumbled. “I’m still here for you, of course. I’m sorry for unloading it all on you that night, it was just overwhelming. I would’ve texted you, but I didn’t know if she kept your phone again…”

You had accepted he’d never be in your arms, but you knew he’d forever be in your mind.

“I understand,” Jungkook gulped, licking his lips.

Your eyes glanced down at his fists. “What’re you not telling me, Jungkook?” you whispered lowly.

“I-I…” He glanced to the side. “Could I borrow your phone by any chance? I need to look up something about this, er, ramen. And I left my phone in the car.”

Your brows furrowed, and you moved your hands to your purse, “Uh, sure?”

You fished it out, unlocking and handing it to him to search whatever he wanted up. Seulgi spotted this and came stomping over. “What’re you doing? Are you seriously trying to give him your number or some shit to hit on him, when I- his  _girlfriend_ \- am right here?”

“Chill,” you gritted your teeth. “I’m letting him look something up. He has my number anyways if you’re forgetting.”

Seulgi narrows her eyes. “Watch your mouth. After all you’ve done, you think you have a right to say shit like that? I’m his girlfriend, asshole.”

“For fuck’s sake, I get it already,” you rolled your eyes. “Doesn’t change the fact I still fucked him, now does it?”

Seulgi’s eyes went wide, and her face was starting to turn more red by the second. “Why you little  _bitch_!”

Your eyes go wide as she suddenly latches her fingers around your neck, your head slamming back into the metal shelf. You claw at her fingers, trying to pry them off in desperation. Her eyes are crazed, and it happened so quickly. Your lungs weren’t begging for oxygen just get, but your neck felt as though it was burning from how she tried to pierce her nails into the skin, fingers tight. Her teeth were gritted, eyes resembling those of a madman’s, and your first instinct as to kick, which ultimately ended up in your foot flying between her legs.

She stumbled back, and you fell, your head knocking into another shelf. You groaned out in pain, muttering curse words to yourself. Jungkook flew by your side, helping you up quickly and mumbling apologies. “Oh my God, are you alright?” he questions.

“I’m fine,” you mumble. “My head hurts, 'tis all. But she just tried to fucking kill me.”

“I’m so sorry,” Jungkook murmurs. He holds out your phone, coughing to himself. “Here’s your phone, by the way. Thanks for letting me borrow it.”

You furrow your brows, taking it from him, only to find he didn’t really search anything regarding ramen and such. Instead, up in the search bar, were the words look at her wrist. Your eyes flickered to the two, Seulgi’s hand reaching up to meet Jungkook’s, his oversized hoodie sleeve sliding down to halfway between her wrist and her elbow, and you spotted it.

The cuts, mainly healed, but definitely visible.

Your jaw dropped open, mind flashing back to the extensive research of symptoms for BPD you did as a child, just learning that your best friend had it, and it clicked. Your eyes locked with Jungkook’s, filled with fear and absolute shock. His were wide, and he nodded to you and directed his attention to Seulgi.

“More,” he said, as though telling her to pull herself up more, which she grumbled to.

More.

You clicked to see any other open pages, only to find much, much more. The words were put in the search engine, and your heart thudded as you read them.

Help me

She’ll hurt herself

I can’t leave

The messages had your heart stop, and you didn’t know what to do. What do you do in this situation? Call the cops? Right here, in a grocery store? You looked to the boy, but he was busy talking with Seulgi, asking if she was alright and such.

You quickly took your cart, wheeling it away and desperately wondering what to do. How do you get him out of this? How do you stop her from taking such drastic measures? You didn’t want her to die, you weren’t that terrible! But how were you supposed to talk to him if she was threatening to kill herself because of this?

You looked through the first page he made, surprised to see two words only.

Here 6

Here… did he mean the grocery store? He meant for you to come here at 6 to meet him? You didn’t know how to get him out of this situation, and it was getting far too out of hand. You never had experience with this type of thing before, but you knew it had to stop.

It was only 2 PM here since you preferred to get your shopping done in the early afternoon. That meant four hours until now.

You walked away from Jungkook, leaving him alone with Seulgi. And though you knew it was only temporarily and you’d see him later, you were still beating yourself up over it, wishing to run back and take him away from the God-awful situation.

* * *

“Jungkook, I’m so sorry!” you exclaimed, rigid and tense as you saw him approach. You were seated at one of the tables near the bakery section of the grocery store, and you weren’t exactly sure what to say.

Jungkook sighed, sitting down across from you. “It’s not your fault. It’s… it’s a mess, Y/N. I’ve never been so scared in my life.”

“W-When did this happen?” you asked timidly.

“The last night I saw you. I was about to leave, finally be free, not caring about being stuck and focusing on you and my own happiness for once, and just as I’m about to s-step out of the door…” Jungkook trails off, and you see tears in his eyes as he stares down at the table.

“What happened, Jungkook?” you tried to push.

“She held a razor to her neck and threatened to end her life then and there,” Jungkook confesses.

“Oh dear God!” you whispered. “Did you try calling the police?”

“I was about to when she caught me, and then slit her wrists. She was trying to prove she was serious about this all I guess, and it all just became too real. I-I don’t know what to do, I don’t want her to die, I don’t want to be responsible for her suicide-” Jungkook’s voice cracked, a lone tear falling from his eye. “I don’t want this.”

You reached over the table wiping away his tears. “I’ll help however I can, I promise. Feelings aside. This is unhealthy, you can’t go on like this. She’s manipulating you in the worst way known to man, and I guess she’s so mentally unhealthy from being off her medicine that she’s willing to go to those lengths.”

“What do I do?” Jungkook asks, trembling, his voice soft. “It’s an endless cycle. Hit me, mention you, hit me, threats, and the cycle repeats.”

“She still hits you?” you ask softly.

“Mainly over the head,” Jungkook breathes. “She… I think she knows not to leave marks anymore.”

“How’d you leave?” Your eyes were wide. “She might think you’ve left! Jungkook-”

“I drugged her,” Jungkook admits. “I snuck sleeping pills in her tea- she always has a glass at dinner- and they were pretty strong. She fell asleep and I bolted.”

“You roofied her?” Your stomach felt as though it was going to flip, thinking of how twisted it was.

“What else could I do?” Jungkook whines to himself. “I couldn’t think of any other way to sneak past her without her doing something crazy again.”

“I understand,” you gulp, feeling downright dreadful. “But what if she wakes up?”

“She won’t wake up for a while, I made sure to look extra carefully at the package,” Jungkook says. “I just… I needed to tell you. To tell someone without her finding out or… worse. I can’t trust her to be alone by herself anymore.”

“I’ll do whatever I can,” you promised. “I’m so sorry this is happening to you. To her. To anyone. This is a disaster.”

“Why do  _I_  have to be the victim of all people?” Jungkook whispered more so to himself than to you. “You never hear of guys in this situation, ever. I feel weak for not being able to put up with this, for not being a man and fixing everything. For letting this happen.”

“Hey,” you interrupted, placing your hand over his, locking them together. “You’re no less of a man because of this. You’re more of one because you got through it- you  _will_  get through it- and it does happen to men. Media just doesn’t portray it because of the hyper-masculinity, but the truth is it can happen to anybody. You aren’t alone.”

Jungkook nodded slowly, closing his eyes. “You never hear of men getting sexually assaulted by women either, do you?”

Your eyes were wide. “She tried to assault you?”

“I kept trying to get away, but she was persistent,” Jungkook confessed. “Most men would kill for a situation like that, where the girl is on your knees begging to make it up to you that way. I just wanted to get out.”

“You don’t deserve any of this,” you assure him. “You’re strong, though. You’ll make it through, I promise.”

He smiled weakly. “Thank you, Y/N. I will with you with me. I hope.”

You smile back, though yours is uneasy and unsure.

“Y/N?”

“Yes?” you pipe.

“Do you still love me?” Jungkook asks softly.

“I never stopped,” you answer honestly.

“Neither did I,” Jungkook murmurs to himself.


	8. Chapter 8

**Five Years Ago**

It was a small and cramped space, and extremely dusty. You were only 14 at the time, and small enough to wiggle between the metal of the vents’ walls. You had to complete some stupid dare from one of your friends, and already you wanted out. You never turned down a challenge back then, and somehow they helped hoist you up while the teacher was away.

You were supposed to end up in the boy’s bathrooms, where a friend was waiting to catch you as confirmation that you completed the dare. It was for $500, and you definitely needed the money for whatever stupid things you could get at 14. Somehow the large group each pooled in the large sum of money, and you were the first to volunteer to win it, resulting in you accomplishing the first dare at hand.

It was certainly cold here, which you didn’t expect. Maybe that’s why classrooms were always so frigid. Your knees felt as though they were rubbed raw against the metal, and your skin was sticky and sweaty. You followed the directions of your friends, who told you their best estimates for the way to the men’s restroom. This was the last direction, for you to simply turn left, the second vent below you.

Or was it right?

You chose to go right instead, crawling to the second and looking down. You could spot the top of a boy’s head, and you automatically assumed you were right and began lifting the gate that both obscured your view and blocked the exit. Once it was out of the way you gripped the ledge, slowly lowering yourself down, hoping that the boy would’ve noticed and prepared to catch you.

The metal of the gate ends up slipping past, landing right in front of the boy, making a loud clattering noise and alerting him of your presence. It isn’t until he looks up, getting a view straight up your uniform skirt, that you realize this was a complete stranger in the hallway. You should’ve gone left.

Your grip slips, and you fall on top of him, luckily using his very human-type body as a pillow to break your fall. You groan out in pain, rolling off of him and onto the floor, your cheeks burning red. “Oh,  _crap_!” you exclaimed. “Oh, I’m so, so sorry!”

“Ohh, fuck,” the boy groaned out, sprawled across the floor as he rubs his head and face. “What on Earth?”

One of the nearby classroom doors swings open, the infuriated face of a middle-aged woman peeking out to see what the ruckus was about. Her eyes landed on the two of you, spotting the metal on the ground, and gasping as her eyes trailed up to the ceiling. Her nose scrunched, eyes blazing as she marched over to the two of you. “Why, I never! You two, trying to get into the vents I see? Detention! You ought to both be expelled!”

* * *

It was silent in the detention room, oddly enough only you and Jungkook were the ones in class. The teacher- who just so happened to be the same middle-aged lady- spent most of the time simply glaring at the two of you, who had earned three weeks worth of detention. You were flustered and embarrassed, a switch from the collected, cool image you tried to showcase.

You were so embarrassed, you wanted to grab a gun and shoot yourself with it, pulling the trigger to ‘pew pew’ your brains out.

You knew who this boy was, now that you recognized him. He was in a few classes of yours, but he was so cute, you never really got the nerve to talk to him. Mainly because he was in a different circle from you. Jeon Jungkook. Little did you know then how much the name would come to mean to you.

You didn’t know whether or not he knew who you were, but you were sure that after this he would. You were extremely sorry for dragging him into this mess and considered giving him part of the $500 you earned, since the boy who was supposed to catch you heard the noise and spied the following events from the bathroom, proving that, in a sense, you had accomplished the task you were given. Sure, you got caught, but regardless you did sneak through the vents.

You expected Jungkook to throw you glares the entire time, but instead, you were thrown curious glances, and it made your cheeks glow rosy and your eyes bore intently into your desk, as though it were speaking the country’s secrets and if you dared to tear your eyes away it’d blow up on the spot.

The minute the old crone watching you fell asleep, you looked over to Jungkook, beginning to profusely apologize through hushed whispers. “I am so, so, so so sorry!” you apologized. “It was a stupid stunt, and I didn’t mean to land on you, I swear. Much less drag you into this.”

“It’s alright,” Jungkook assured you, a warm smile on his face.

“No, it’s not,” you shook your head. “Now we’ve got detention for like three weeks. I swear I tried explaining to her you had nothing to do with it, but the old bat refused to listen.”

Jungkook snickered at that, his mouth covering his smile. The teacher snorted in her sleep, making the two of you freeze up and stay still, but her snores continued.

“I’m  _really_  sorry,” you apologized again. “Is there any way I can make it up to you?”

The boy hummed quietly. “There is one way.”

_Please don’t be one of those perverts who suggests sex._

“What is it?” you asked hesitantly.

“Be friends with me,” the boy smiled nervously.

You blinked in response, stunned. “Oh dear God I think I made you hit your head too hard when I landed on you,” you murmured.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” the boy chuckles sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

“No, no, I want to,” you say immediately, earning a smile from the boy. “I just mean… I just landed you in a lot of trouble, why would you want to be friends with  _me_?”

The boy shrugged, licking his lips as he grinned to you. “It’s not every day a girl falls on you from the ceiling. I’m unashamed to admit I’m intrigued.”

You scoffed, a smile stretching on your own lips. “And this is how I’ll make it up to you?”

“It’s the only way,” Jungkook smiled. Your eyes locked with his, and you noted how beautiful his were, trapping the stars and galaxy in the dark spheres, and you were immediately stunned. How could someone keep the night sky behind their irises?

“Then I guess I have to,” you grinned.

* * *

**Four Years Ago**

It had been one year since you started being friends with Jungkook, and you had not expected that you’d fall for him hard and quick. He was quickly becoming one of the closest people to you, and at 15, even you realized how often you’d get caught up in his starry eyes and youthful looks.

But loving Jungkook was hard. He had a new girlfriend every other month, and you were the one who more often than not had to whisper in his ear the way to their hearts because Jungkook’s love was brief and short. You didn’t feel threatened necessarily because you knew it’d end sooner or later, and Jungkook didn’t usually stay with the same girl for long. But it hurt, knowing that no matter how many girls he’d quickly look to, he never seemed to look your way.

You were crying about this to your childhood friend, someone who went through hell with you and back, and you were weeping on her shoulder in her bedroom, sobbing to yourself as she rubbed your back comfortingly, the room filling with a song she always played to keep you calm. You were outright sobbing like the school girl you were over a high school crush, but you couldn’t help yourself. Your body wracked with sobs, and you were a pathetic mess. Seulgi was patient though, keeping you in her arms and humming along with the music.

You had told her you were in love with a boy who never seemed to look your way, choosing not to reveal his name, for that would perhaps make you cry even harder. He was like a little secret to you, and Seulgi didn’t have to know his name to understand your pain.

“Shh, it’s alright,” she cooed comfortingly, rubbing your arm soothingly. “The boy must be blind not to look your way. What idiot wouldn’t? Trust me, he’ll turn around eventually. And if he doesn’t, who needs him?”

You scoffed, sniffling. “I don’t know. I… It’s hard, you know? I try but he’s always there.”

“Maybe you should look in some other directions,” Seulgi suggested. “What about that guy from your math class you said asked you out?”

You grimaced. “That guy uses so much gel in his hair, comb your hand through it much and you’ll have all the lube you need.”

Seulgi laughed hard at that, her joyous laughter filling the room and making you feel slightly better. “Ooh, harsh, Y/N. Real harsh.”

“I wish you went to my school,” you sighed. “You’d know what to do.”

“So do I, but you know how I have to go to private school,” Seulgi winced. “Not fun, trust me. But if I could be there with you, I would in a heartbeat, Y/N.”

You smiled, wiping away the tears that were starting to dry. “Thanks, Seulgi. You always know just what to say.”

“Girls?” a woman called outside the door, following with a few knocks. “Seulgi, it’s time to take your medicine.”

Seulgi closed her eyes, sighing as she looked to the door. “Come in, Mom.”

The woman walked in, handing Seulgi the pills and a glass of water, her eyes looking at your puffy ones. “Oh, dear, are you alright? Did I intrude at a bad time?”

“No, ma'am,” you said, rubbing your eyes a bit. “I’m fine now, thank you.”

“Well, I’m glad Seulgi could help, and if you need anything dear, I’m always here,” the woman smiled, taking the glass from Seulgi. “It’s nice you girls are still so close. I hope you stay together for a very long time. They say when you’re friends for over 7 years, there’s a big chance you could be friends for the rest of your life.”

“We already plan on it, Mom,” Seulgi grins, turning to you. “Isn’t that right, Y/N?”

“Of course,” you grin back. “I’ll be by your side forever.”

* * *

**Present Day**

You thought over the memories, of how you came to be friends with Jungkook, and of all the times Good Seulgi shone through. You were busy swiping through the pictures on your phone, two in particular. The one with Jungkook’s swollen cheeks, and your own with the bruise on your jaw.

You thought back to when it all started. To when you first introduced Jungkook to Seulgi, to when you first slept with him, and to all of the disasters that quickly followed. The question was, were you sorry for them? Were you sorry for introducing Jungkook to his future abuser, and yet the woman he loved? Were you sorry for sleeping with him, making his abuse even worse, and yet opening a whole new light? Were you sorry for any of the actions that lead to where you were today?

Had you made one different step, perhaps Jungkook wouldn’t even want to be with you. Perhaps he wouldn’t even be friends with you still. Perhaps you’d still be with Seulgi, taking snide comments when she was feeling particularly snotty. Perhaps you’d go back to your mundane life, and nothing would really be able to brighten your day. If you hadn’t slept with Jungkook, perhaps you’d have never found out about his real relationship.

The what ifs seemed to fill your mind, but you knew it was no use. It wouldn’t change the past, it wouldn’t affect the future, and it would do nothing for the present. Perhaps it was time for you to stop wondering about scenarios and actually making it happen. For you to stop dwelling on the past and appreciate the present for what it is, all while looking to the future.

The question is, where did you see everyone? Did you see Jungkook with you, despite all you two had experienced? Did you picture yourself still with Seulgi, staying by her side and being her best friend still?

You wondered what Jungkook would think of what you were doing right now. Continuously he went on about how he didn’t want to harm her in any way, not to get her in trouble despite how poorly she treated him, all because he loved her. And now he was trapped in a situation he couldn’t get out of because she was paranoid and threatening to harm herself.

You remembered how tired he was that night, the star in his eyes dimming down to a dull haze, blurring in the same way that traffic lights would when you take off your glasses. Still there, still bright, but not as clear.

You knew that even if he couldn’t forgive you for this, you had to do it. You loved him and wanted to protect him. And ultimately, a part of you that you couldn’t deny wanted to protect her too. From herself.

And with that thought echoing into your mind, youwalked into the police station.

* * *

Your hands were stuffed in your pockets, staring at the police car at the building Seulgi resided in. It had been about fifteen minutes. Where was she?

A car swerved in, rushing close before parking near you, and a figure hopped out. Jungkook ran by your side, his eyes wide and breath heavy. “I got a call from Seulgi, she said policemen were at her door, did you-”

“Yes,” you answered immediately. “I’m not sorry for it. They can help her, talk to her. In cases of emergency, they have policemen who will bring you to the station to talk to you about your problems, like suicide. So I told everything.”

Jungkook was silent for a few seconds, his eyes boring into the police car. “She’s hurt herself,” he whispered. “She kept screaming it into the phone how I betrayed her, calling the police, and saying how she’d slit her wrists until she bled out, all over the carpet. She hung up once they entered…”

Your heart was beating fast, feeling distraught as your stomach twisted in pure guilt and uneasiness. “Maybe they got to her in time,” you whispered optimistically, praying for the best. “We can’t give up hope.”

To your horror, you saw an ambulance pulling up, quickly parking behind the police car, and you saw the figures of the paramedics rush into the building. It was absolutely terrifying, and your legs were already shaking, and you began to collapse, though Jungkook caught you before you could hit the floor. He supported you, bringing you to stand and holding onto you firmly, his eyes wide. “Y/N? Y/N!”

“I killed her,” you whispered. “I killed my best friend.”

“You didn’t,” Jungkook protested. “Listen to me, you did what was right. We don’t know if she’s dead, alright? Y/N, stay with me.”

You shook your head, tears spilling from the corners of your eyes as you stared at the doors, waiting for the paramedics to carry out a stretcher of the girl’s dead body. “What was I thinking? What have I done? I’ve killed her, Jungkook, what have I done?”

“Y/N, Y/N please,” Jungkook pleaded. “Everything’s going to be alright, do you hear me? Seulgi’s going to survive, and she’s going to get the help she needs, and you and I will be alright. We’ve got each other, don’t we? We’ll stay by each other’s side.”

“Yes,” you whispered. “We have each other.”

You said the same thing to Seulgi. And now look what’s happened.

You saw figures come in, bringing out a body on the stretcher, and you whimpered, turning to Jungkook and sobbing into his shirt. It was unbearable, and you couldn’t look to see the sight. You squeezed your eyes shut, hot tears flowing down your cheeks to be absorbed in your shirt.

Jungkook rubbed your back, hugging you tightly as he murmured soft nothings in your ear, and you knew he was squeezing his eyes shut as well. You glanced back, lights flashing in your vision, and already you felt yourself beginning to faint, vision fading at the sight as you collapsed in Jungkook’s arms.

The last thing you heard was the sirens.

* * *

**6 Months Later**

First and foremost, Seulgi survived.

She had slit her wrists with so many cuts she was starting to bleed out, and she was absolutely hysterical when the police barged in. When they saw what she was doing, they immediately called the ambulance and refrained her. She was losing so much blood, she fainted.

She was put in the hospital for a while and then moved to a mental hospital. From what you knew, she got a new prescription and was going to therapy often, though you hadn’t seen her since the incident. You were glad she was doing better though, at least that’s what you could assume.

You and Jungkook had healed over time, and though scarred by the events as you were, the two of you helped each other cope through comforting each other and therapy. You took things slow, letting yourselves heal and be there for each other as friends before you finally acted on the simmering romance between you two after three months.

Dating Jungkook was surreal. It was as though it wasn’t quite reality, finally having the boy as your own. It was like a hazy dream, and after living the hellish nightmare, it was definitely something that you slipped into with absolute grace, giving your all by wanting to give him the love he didn’t get from Seulgi.

It was as though he was still your best friend, joking with you, laughing, hanging out and goofing off. You two already knew each other’s secrets, and you’d often hang out in ways that felt like the older days. The difference was how you’d wear his hoodies, sometimes getting matching couples shirts. How you two would kiss each other fondly and how the intimacy and bonds felt stronger than before.

Most of all how the stars in his eyes seemed to shine brighter than ever before when he looked at you.

Once in a while, you two would discuss previous events, though it always put a rather down aura as the memories washed over you two. But you didn’t ignore it, or suppress it, but rather accepted what happened and its effects, moving on day by day.

And, of course, the sex was far better than ever before.

After a long day, the two of you decided to go out for a nice, fancy dinner, though frankly, you would’ve been fine with eating at a fast food restaurant any day. You decided to make things more interesting by playing footsie under the table, teasing him with a devilish smile as you seductively ate your food, making sure to make the small hums and moans provocative enough to give him the message you were turned on, but quiet enough that no one else would notice.

It wasn’t until the point your foot went all the way up to rub his crotch that he called over for the check, and within minutes he was quickly ushering you past the tables and to the car.

And here you were now,  with your back slamming against the mattress, and his large hands already riding up your skirt, pushing the fabric off of you. It was peeled off within seconds, discarded to the floor to be forgotten for the night.

Jungkook’s lips sucked against your neck, nipping harshly at the delicate skin to form bruises you were sure would pop by morning. You groaned at his effort, hips grinding against his. He quickly took off his shirt to reveal his toned chest, though you didn’t have much time to marvel at it because he was already unbuckling his belt and slipping off both his trousers and boxers, completely bare as he climbed on top of you again.

Your arms locked around his neck, pulling him in and closing your eyes, letting his tongue dance with yours. He breaks away, his chest panting as his hands come to slip your underwear off, slowly dragging it down your legs. “You think it was funny teasing me?” he questions. “Because I can assure you, there won’t be anything to laugh at in a few minutes.”

His promise added pressure to your lower stomach, jolts of arousal going to your heat. Jungkook slipped the underwear all the way down your legs, discarding it to the floor before the cold pads of his fingertips made contact with your clit, rubbing it in circles that had your back arch into his touch. He lowered himself, instead letting his mouth suck tenderly on the small nub, and slipping two fingers inside of you, making scissoring motions.

You moaned softly, loving the feeling as his tongue swiped through your folds, lapping up your arousal as it started to coat his chin and mouth. You mewled in delight, and he decided to add a third finger, stretching you out as he began to pump the digits against your walls.

“You can barely take three fingers,” he remarked, letting his lips detach from your clit. “What if we try four?”

“Fuck,” you let out, his dirty talk making your stomach twist. After sleeping with each other continuous times after you two became official, he seemed to notice how much the dirty talk turned you on. He was much more comfortable with all of the sexual acts, and the fact it was so lewd and dirty made your mind spin.

“I’ll be nice,” Jungkook laughs, meaning that he wouldn’t follow up on the suggestion.  _Tonight_. He sucked at your clit again, pumping his fingers and curling them every so often. The coil in your lower stomach was threatening to snap, and your mewls and cries were getting a bit louder, and you felt your orgasm begin to approach.

Your fingers curled into the bedsheets, and Jungkook took it as a sign that you were close. He pulled away, slipping his fingers out of your heat and looking at you in pride, licking off your arousal from his lips. You felt the orgasm die down, and you gave him a shocked look, glaring at him. “Jungkook!” you exclaimed.

“You know I’ll make it up to you,” he chuckled.

You had to admit that was true. You rolled your eyes, smiling as you tried to slip off the bed to get on your knees, knowing how much he loved bucking into your mouth, but he stopped you. “I don’t want to waste time on that today. I need to be inside of you,” he says, climbing onto the bed with you.

You bit your lip, his words turning you on more than you’d typically like to admit. “How do you want me?” you purred.

“Spread your legs and I’ll show you,” he grinned. You followed his commands, and he hooked your legs around his arms, lifting them up as he got on his knees. Your rear was raised off the bed and into the air, and Jungkook positioned himself where your rear was pressed directly against his erection, the lower half of you off the bed as only your head, upper back, and arms supported you, pressing into the pillows and mattress. Jungkook aligned himself with your entrance, letting the juices coat the head before he pushed into you.

He began pounding into you, the hollow sound of his thighs slamming into your ass as he continuously rammed himself into you. Your hands flew to your clit, vigorously rubbing it and sending jolts of electricity through the nervous system. Jungkook gave quick and rapid thrust, grunts spilling from his lips as he continued to slam himself into you, just the way you like.

It wasn’t long before the coil formed again, pressure building up in your lower stomach. With each thrust his hips made you whined, letting out whimpers and moans that were impossible to contain. Jungkook’s thrusts were getting harder and harder and had his arms not been holding your legs in place in the air on either side of him, you’d have flown off him by now.

You were surprised when he reached over, grabbing a pillow and tossing it on the floor beside the bed. He grips on tightly to your legs, swinging you around where he was now standing, and you panicked, only to find the top of your head pressing against the pillow on the floor. It had been a while since you tried out this position, but you remember how great it was.

The blood was rushing to your head as Jungkook rocked back into you, and your body was moving rhythmically with his. His cock moving against your walls was a feeling you relished, loving how full he made you feel, and your moans were getting breathy as you started coming close to your orgasm, fingers going faster and harder to add pressure to the small nub. Your other hand was on the floor, helping to stabilize yourself, though you trusted Jungkook not to let go of you.

Jolts of pleasure spread from your core as you reached euphoria, your orgasm washing over you as you let out opened mouthed cries of relief, the tingling sensation making your mind feel blissed-out. Perhaps it was the blood that was flowing to your head, or from how Jungkook continued to slam into you, that made the orgasm so intense.

Jungkook dragged you back up, and you grabbed the pillow as he hoisted you back onto the mattress. It was thrown back on the sheets, and Jungkook flipped you over to where your legs were on either side of it, and Jungkook firmly pressed his hand against your back, pressing you down where your face was in the mattress.

“You can’t see me, can you?” Jungkook asks in a breathy voice. “Guess you won’t know when I’ll slam into you then, huh?”

He spreads your cheeks wide, mesmerized by the view, and you whined, wanting to buck your hips back into his. You felt something poking at your entrance, and let out a gasp as he plunged into your heat, not even hesitating to pick up the fast pace again. His pelvis continuously slammed into your ass, his sweaty thighs slapping against your own. Your body rocked back and forth, and you were humping the pillow, your clit rubbing against the fabric, and you cringed from the delightful overstimulation.

Jungkook’s hands kept you pinned down, not allowing you to move as he rocked your body back and forth. The bed shook with his thrusts, the squeaks intertwined with your muffled moans as you felt a delightful high reaching once again.

It was getting near, and now that the overstimulation was dying and your pleasure was starting to take over from your humping the pillow and Jungkook’s harsh and aggressive thrusts, the orgasm was definitely building up once again.

“I love you,” Jungkook grunted, panting out the words as he thrust repeatedly into you. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

You wanted to stop letting your words and moans drown into the sheets and ask him  _What?_  but the high was overtaking you, and your entire body was shaking as you experienced your second orgasm of the night, legs shaking as he pounded you out through your high, chasing his own.

His staccato grunts were speeding up, deep and gravely as they were, and soon enough you knew he was getting close. “I’m coming,” he panted out, and shortly after you felt the hot liquid spill into you, and you moaned out at the sensation. Jungkook continued to go through his high, and you knew one of his favorite things was to watch both his and your own fluid coat his cock as he continued using you, and soon he pulled out.

His fingers gathered any of the liquid that was already starting to drip out, scooping it up before pushing them back into your heat. “Keep it there,” he says, his voice deep and raspy as he gathers the rest, storing them in your heat.

You roll over once he’s done, your chest rising up and down as you tried to catch your breath. You watched as Jungkook put the fingers in his mouth, staring at you darkly as the digits entered his hot cavern.

“Did you mean it?” you question. “That you love me? As in romantically?”

“I do,” Jungkook admits. “I love you so much. I’m in love with you Y/N, and it might be too soon in our relationship to say this in some eyes, but I feel like I should’ve said it long ago.”

You smile, grinning as you pulled him in, pressing your lips against his. “I love you, too.”

He smiled against your lips, his eyes devilish and twinkling as he traveled down your body again to eat you out for the second time, though this time with his own cum inside.

* * *

**One Year After Seulgi’s Departure**

“She wants to see you?” Your eyes were wide. “It’s been a year since we’ve seen her, why now? Are you sure this is a good idea? Is she… healthy right now?”

“She wants to see you too,” Jungkook adds. “Though, I think separately. I don’t know, you can check the texts if you’d like.”

“That’s fine, I believe you,” you say. You knew he was rather uncomfortable with handing someone his phone to look through, especially because of how often Seulgi used to check it back when they were dating. He wasn’t hiding anything, but there was still the unsettling fear that he experienced each time she looked through, and you knew better than to do it. Besides, you trusted him. “But what’d she say?”

“It was just a random text saying she’d like to catch up for coffee, and perhaps have some closure with both of us,” Jungkook says, staring down at his phone. “I don’t have to if you want. It’s okay if you don’t want to either, I know it might be difficult.”

“I mean, are you going to be okay though?” you ask him softly. “She is your abuser. Are you sure this would be healthy?”

Jungkook pauses for a moment. “I think it’d be nice to get some closure. To make sure she’s alright, to fill in the blanks, to answer some unanswered questions. I think I’ve spent enough time away to heal, especially with you. I think I can handle it, can you?”

“I think I can,” you sigh. “I’ll wait in the car or something as it happens, and then I’ll see her once you’re done. She was my best friend, and I’d like to know she’s doing better now.”

“Then it’s settled,” Jungkook says. He stares down at the glowing screen on his phone, the words of the text being embedded into his mind. “We’ll see her.”

* * *

“Thanks for agreeing to meet up,” Seulgi comments as they sit down, drinks in hand. “I… know it can be difficult, especially considering everything that happened.”

“I’ll cope,” Jungkook says. He wasn’t going to lie and say 'it’s alright’ or 'no trouble’ because frankly, it was a lot harder for him than it seemed. “How have you been doing? What happened after you were… escorted?”

Seulgi’s mouth goes small, and she takes a small sip of her coffee. “Well, I was put in the hospital to heal and questioned extensively. They said you didn’t want to press charges or anything, and considering the situation and the fact you and Y/N apparently didn’t want me to go to jail, they decided to send me to the mental hospital instead.”

“And did it work out?” he questioned. “Y/N heard something about a new prescription and you going to therapy.”

Seulgi nods in confirmation. “Where is Y/N by the way?”

“She’ll come after I leave, we both wanted to get separate closure,” Jungkook confirms.

“Ah,” she says, sipping on her coffee. “I see. That’s fine, I understand. I understand you also have some questions?”

“Er, yes,” Jungkook admits.

“Ask away.”

Jungkook waits a few seconds, hesitant to ask the question. “Was it ever real?”

Seulgi understands what he means. “It was at first. I fell hard for you Jungkook, I’ll admit that. But it morphed into a need to always have you choose me first, to be the priority, and for the sense of being in control and idolized. I started depending on keeping you in control to feel as though I was in control of everything else. Once I started losing you, I felt as though I was losing control of everything else. It was no excuse for my actions of course, but that’s what happened.”

“So you thought of me as your property to boost your ego?” Jungkook questioned.

Seulgi’s brows furrow and she licks her lips. “To put it simply… yes. I had the mindset that a girl should keep tabs and control of her boyfriend at all times because otherwise, he’d cheat. And once my fears came true, I became a paranoid mess obsessed with establishing what’s mine. I didn’t think you belonged  _with_  me anymore, but rather  _to_  me.”

Jungkook nodded in understanding of her twisted previous reasoning. “Do you regret what you did?”

“Every day,” Seulgi admits. “I know what I did was wrong, and that there’s nothing I can do to change it, but I am truly sorry for my actions back then. I’m sorry.”

Jungkook nods, sighing to himself. “You’re forgiven,” he says. He couldn’t say it was okay, or that all was forgotten because it was far from the truth. But forgiving the people who wronged you is a step towards moving on and maturity.

“I wasn’t in the right mindset back then,” Seulgi murmured quietly. “I let my mental disorder swallow me whole until I was just pure anger and rage. It never suited me well.”

“Well, the important thing is that you’re okay now,” Jungkook says.

“I am,” Seulgi smiled, though the smile itself is small and weak. “I’ve gotten better and accepted who I am while trying to change for the better. I’m glad the therapy and medicine worked, and I think the reason I pushed it away before was because I didn’t think I was myself with them, and that I didn’t need them to function properly. It really took a toll on me.”

“And you’re keeping up with them?” he asks.

“Of course,” she says. “Have you gotten any help from the incident?”

He nods. “Me and Y/N both go to therapy nowadays. It’s helped a lot, frankly, and it’s made us a lot happier in the long run.”

“Are you two together now?”

Jungkook nods again. “We have been for about three months now.”

“That’s good,” Seugli says, though she doesn’t smile. Her voice sounds far away, as though she were murmuring off in the distance instead of to the boy a few feet in front of her. “I’m glad you two are making each other happy.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook mumbles. “So am I.”

* * *

You spin the straw around in your cup, trying to avoid her eye. It was weird, seeing her after so long. Last time you saw her was a brief glimpse of her on a stretcher and the last time you two were face to face she had her fingers latched around your neck.

“I thought you always liked black coffee,” Seulgi remarks, staring at your cup, which was full of sugar instead of the bitter taste.

“I guess I liked things a bit less bitter,” you shrug.

“Y/N, I  know it’s hard seeing me, but there’s a reason you came to talk to me, or agreed to,” Seulgi says. “At least ask what you want to ask.”

“Why’d you do it?” you blurt out, no hesitation in your voice whatsoever. “Why’d you constantly put me down? Why did you hurt him? Why did you hurt yourself?”

Seulgi’s mouth screws into a tiny pout, and she looks down at the table. “Oh. That.”

“Yeah, that,” you say.

“I was jealous of you,” Seulgi admits. “I made it an effort to try to be better than you, because in my mind you were already practically perfect, angelic in the way I could never be. So I blamed my problems on you and convinced myself if I could rise above you, perhaps I’d be perfect too. To put it bluntly, the only way I could climb on top was to push you to the bottom, and that’s what I did. I blamed everything on you at my worst moments, and made it a point to have what you couldn’t.”

That made sense.

“And him?” you questioned. “Why’d you hurt him, when he thought of you as the setting sun?”

“Because he was my only way of establishing and maintaining control,” she confessed. “I felt in control when I could control him, and the BPD and overwhelming jealousy took a toll on me that morphed into pure anger and shaped me into a person who was far from what I wanted to be. I was just too blind to realize what I was doing to others, or even myself.”

“And why’d you hurt yourself?” you asked, the last part in a whisper. “With the cuts, and the threats?”

Seulgi decides to raise her arm above the table, lifting the sleeve up to her elbow to reveal long white scars scattered across, now faded into white after a year. “I’ve been clean ever since, but these-” she tapped at them, and your eyes bore into the new skin. “-I thought these were the only ways of keeping him.”

“Are you alright now at least?” you asked. “Jungkook said that’s what you said, but I want to make sure for myself.”

She puts back down her sleeve, nodding. “I’m better than I have been for years, admittedly. Not exactly happy, but I’m in a better place. I’m no longer angry all of the time, so it is a step in the right direction. I’ll get there with time, and for now, the medication and therapy can help.”

“Good,” you remark. “I’m glad to hear that.”

She nods, and a few more silent seconds pass between the two of you. She coughs awkwardly, glancing up to you. “Do you have any more questions?”

Did you?

“I… no,” you shake your head. “I think I understand now… you put it bluntly.”

She licked her lips, nodding. A few more seconds pass, and she gets up to leave, though she pauses. “Y/N, you were my best friend, the one person I really did depend on when times got rough. I thought when we were little we’d grow old together, but I know now life isn’t so simple. And I know that my actions have no excuse, but I do care for you, and I always will. But I hurt you, and the boy you love. And for that, I’m sorry.”

She says no more, and your eyes trail after her as she exits the coffee shop.

Some apologies are packed with meaning, and others are mumbled dismissively when you so much as bump shoulders with someone in the hallway.

But you were glad to know that hers was the first.

And eventually, for all apologies, there is forgiveness.


End file.
